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dara.cv
08-18-2009, 01:07 AM
hand washed
in warm water
we- like colors
hang dry
from the tree branches
along the riverbed
with my sisters and brothers.
Amylian
08-18-2009, 04:41 AM
I can sense a very nice, romantic, scenery, where life is most beautiful and serene. Nothing is more wonderful than being together with one's family, but it looks like the sisters and the father are missing and not mentioned. I wonder if this means some kind of internal problems within the family, I hope not. If yes, it could destroy the whole image you had painted with delicate words...


Regards,
Amylian AKA Ali Makki
dara.cv
08-18-2009, 09:46 AM
Thanks Amylian! I took your advice and edited it to be sisters and brothers. I like this alot better since it can mean also mean sisters and brothers in the sense of human unity. Thank you for the inspiration!
Amylian
08-18-2009, 09:50 AM
I think so, too! Now with this final touch, grieve no more for this poem a delicate one it has become...
PrinceMyshkin
08-18-2009, 10:44 AM
It reads like a mystery poem of the less is more variety, and I salute you for the restraint in it.
blazeofglory
08-18-2009, 12:20 PM
hand washed
in warm water
we- like colors
hang dry
from the tree branches
along the riverbed
with my sisters and brothers.

This poem, rather implicit about meaning is really deep and absorbing.
dara.cv
08-18-2009, 10:47 PM
Thank you for your comments. I originally took laundry instructions as my inspiration for the title and first four lines. the rest was just to create a scene. what i think is most appealing is the fact you come across these 'lines" all the time, and so it draws you in with an almost subconscious familiarity. I also wanted the reader to be charmed by the innocence of bathing, since this is a portrait of a group in a very "vulnerable" act, yet there is a peace in the scene. Making it seem in a far country, less Westernized.
Delta40
08-19-2009, 05:41 PM
I feel a warmth of community in these lines
firefangled
08-20-2009, 03:15 PM
I like the title very much and the choices you made to proceed from laundry instruction work well together.
qimissung
08-20-2009, 04:16 PM
I just love this. You put it all together wonderfully. It is delicately beautiful!