A little help?

[GrassHopper-]

Birthday poem im going to decorate and write out for her:

The thought of you brings a few things to mind,
But mostly caring, honest, and kind...

I hoped to give you something heartfelt and nice,
Something noone can buy you at any price...
Money can buy you a softball and glove,
But money cant buy you friendship and love...

After two days of thinking I sit down on my bed,
I wrote down the rhymes that came to my head...
I finally found a present to give you that noone can buy,
This poem and our friendship thats never to die...


I picked the softball and glove line b/c thats what she does for fun. suggestions?

[skaterskagg1]

Shaka bro! That's good stuff.

[Dirtbag]

I'd get rid of the "but" in the second line and change the "sit" to "sat" in the third stanza. Really minor things. I think it's a good friendly poem. Cordial.

[GrassHopper-]

I'd get rid of the "but" in the second line and change the "sit" to "sat" in the third stanza. Really minor things. I think it's a good friendly poem. Cordial.

thanks!

[lallison]

it amazes me how you can write like this. phenomenally thought-provoking! An amazingly multi dimensional poem containing raw emotion that nearly all of us have felt, but so few can express. Thanks so much for sharing it.

[Delta40]

your poetry comes straight from the heart. slight adjustment here to help with the rhythm. softball and glove are a nice analogy for how you feel about your friendship

I want to give you something heartfelt and nice,
A gift noone can buy you at any price...
Money can buy you a softball and glove,
But money cant buy you friendship and love...

After two days of thinking I sit down on my bed,
I've written down rhymes that came to my head...
So here is my present that noone can buy,
This poem and our friendship that will never die...