Calculated Ferocity

[Smoogles]

Vicious

And she screams my name
as she runs away
my heart’s so vicious…
you’d do the same.

So, watch your mouth around the mistress!
My secrets have been told
the plans unfold…

She screams my name
there's nothing left to say.

Why would a good boy do something like this?
Why would a good boy do something like this?

[PrinceMyshkin]

The laconic nature of this adds to the passion of it.

By the way, apropos your designated religious position, I describe myself as a "lapsed atheist."

[Pryderi Agni]

Hey, nice! Hallucinatory, Salinger-esque, rebellious-all the qualities of a Beat generation drug-induced poet, lol.

We'll make a Phil Dick out of you yet!

[Smoogles]

Hey, nice! Hallucinatory, Salinger-esque, rebellious-all the qualities of a Beat generation drug-induced poet, lol.

We'll make a Phil Dick out of you yet!

I am dumbfounded by your accuracy. Seriously, it's a tad eerie. But, thank you!

And, you too prince. Thanks for the comment, but you blow me out of the water! This is child's play at best in comparison to most of your poems.

[PrinceMyshkin]

And, you too prince. Thanks for the comment, but you blow me out of the water! This is child's play at best in comparison to most of your poems.

You see a group of children playing in a sandbox, each as rapt and enthusiastic in his or her play. Who are we to judge the value of one child's play over any of the others?

[Smoogles]

Different poem! With similarities....

The Darkest Corner of My Closet

As I recall
to the events prior to this murder...
I once knew of who did this,
this massacre.
No one saw coming.
All it took was for them to say,
"Don't pack your bags because you're here to stay."

Feel free to add to the story or any of your own dark thoughts.

[PrinceMyshkin]

I was thinking of maybe this at the beginning...

As I recall
to the events prior to this murder...
Why would a good boy do something like this?
This massacre.
No one saw coming.
All it took was for them to say,
"Don't pack your bags because you're here to stay."

Feel free to add to the story or any of your own dark thoughts.

It's an extraordinarily strong poem on its own, but it's hard to readjust one's impression of a poem after one has read it (the first part you posted, that is) and I was not at all prepared by that first part for something as dark as you present us with here. Earlier you seemed to be talking about some possibly adolescent indiscretion... but murder!!!?

[Smoogles]

Yes, I could see how they should be different. I agree... Well then we should name it! On different terms, of course. Throw some names out there for me, I feel that all of mine are too cliche' :[

[PrinceMyshkin]

Yes, I could see how they should be different. I agree... Well then we should name it! On different terms, of course. Throw some names out there for me, I feel that all of mine are too cliche' :[

The trouble with someone else naming one of your poems is that they might very well give it a slant you don't intend. What I often do when I haven't started out with a name, is use the first line or part of it as a title and reiterate it as the first line.

[Smoogles]

Thanks for you input, I will surely remember this tip! A clever way of naming a poem, who knew thesaurus' had use? :)