Watching the twilight

[breathtest]

Deleted by breathtest

[Buh4Bee]

Hey Breathtest!
I read your story last night and it definitely stuck with me as I was falling asleep. The theme of the story and dialogue are powerful and full of raw emotion. I was very much convinced by George's need to discuss his past with his mother, although such a dialogue can be incredibly painful. Victims/survivors of physical abuse often need to process the trauma and I believe they may be a need to confront the enabler to find peace, in certain circumstances. I felt that you captured the psychological bent of George's needs, but I would have a few more people read and give feedback for balance and accurate portrayal in those emotional scenes. George is mad over his mother's weakness for neglecting her role as his mother in protecting him from his father. Instead his mother followed the wrong path and enabled her abusive husband. So, for this reason I loved the ending. Did the mother deserve to die? heck yah, at least in the story.:lol:
Love the title and ending, very amusing.

I think all the structure is there, just need a bit more editing. Maybe put it down more a month and work on something else.

[breathtest]

Thank you for your insight Jersea i really do appreciate it.

Yes that is the plan, i will just leave it for a while until i feel the need to edit it, when the story is no longer fresh in my mind and i can look at it more objectively

thank you

[Buh4Bee]

Awesome Breathtest, thanks for sharing!

[zanna]

Woof, quite the story! Thanks for sharing; I enjoyed reading it. I especially appreciated all the details; George hearing the wok in the kitchen, pointing out how thick the glass of the bottle was, what the view from his patio looked like . . ..

[Buh4Bee]

I agree with Zanna. the details in this one work well as compared to your last story.

[breathtest]

Well i kind of regret the other story i posted. I only posted part of it but i don't think i was ready to write it or if i ever will be.

But thanks for the great comments zanna and jersea

[Buh4Bee]

No, it was a good story! I would not feel that way at all.

[IJustMadeThatUp]

Hey breathtest, I don't think I've read any of your stories yet.
I really enjoyed this.