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breathtest
07-20-2009, 03:28 PM
I sit on this bench in perfect stillness
The hollow pavement beneath my feet nearly cracks each time I stand
Careful birds carve a path through the sky to their nests deep within trees
I do nothing just stare at the sights, the people passing by engrossed in their lives
They’re walking arm in arm or alone as I am
Sounds of alacrity in the screams of children who are playing games down the street
Contemplative dog walkers watching their curious pet sniffing the floor
I envision garments fluttering from the windows of houses in surrender of the psychedelic flood
And people waving neon torches into the unfaltering night hoping to see God
Huge monstrous buildings collapsing under their own weight and losing the battle against countryside
Mechanisms failing causing blackouts and candle-light and people reading
And the destruction of mankind slowed so that we may die in peace


I just finished writing this piece and i hope that you guys will comment on it.....

PrinceMyshkin
07-20-2009, 03:47 PM
Of course one can't help but notice and admire the gotterdamerung of the body of this work, but I was especially struck by the quotidian nature of the opening line and then the gradual but rapidly growing more and more fervent unfolding of the rest of it. Once that hollow pavement cracks it is as we fall into a Boschean hell!

Buh4Bee
07-20-2009, 09:19 PM
Breathtest,

I don't know how to react to your poem other than to say I really relate to the thought process that went into writing it. I was sitting on a bench this afternoon with my husband and I was telling him about your poem. I think it captures one of those moment we can all relate too when feeling removed from the chaos of busy life and watching the world from a far. How universal is the experience of watching children yelling and dog walkers passing as one sits on a bench? Nice window into the ordinary with a great personal commentary. :)

breathtest
07-22-2009, 03:19 PM
Thank you so much Jersea. It makes me extremely happy to think someone has shared my poem, or at least told somebody about it. I can't help but smile

And thank you Prince for your insightful input

~Sophia~
07-22-2009, 03:29 PM
I envision garments fluttering from the windows of houses in surrender of the psychedelic flood
And people waving neon torches into the unfaltering night hoping to see God
Huge monstrous buildings collapsing under their own weight and losing the battle against countryside
Mechanisms failing causing blackouts and candle-light and people reading
And the destruction of mankind slowed so that we may die in peace

Hi BT. I feel like this at times not so much sitting on a bench in contemplation but rather, at a canvas. All kinds of visions flash past the blank or half done surface. Thanks for a wonderful read! Loved it.

Buh4Bee
07-22-2009, 05:18 PM
Sophia, Nice idea! The idea of a mental canvas really struck me in connection to this poem.