Pain to Live

[hoope]

Days pass , weeks pass , months and years too. Yet nothing is to come . And more pain to live . There are times that i thought all this could be just illusions ,other times that i thought its all over . But it seems that i was just lieing to myself ; faking facts isn’t really the right way to overcome it nor forget it .

Well i never did neither forget nor was able to move on. I was pausing it , and pausing it for the right time to come & face it until i realized that i was only ruining my life & living more in pain….more in past …. more in frustration. What i might say now ; might really be so confusing and mean nothing to anyone . But me ! Me as a person , me as a soul and me as life. I am dying now and non of what i say would matter or make a difference.

I loved life or at least i tried to , things just never went right . The more i smile , the more i go in pain . The more i live the more i get surprised by what people have turned to . People , are certainly a genetically mutated creatures which are not in any means predictable. The more i try to understand the composition of human , the more i hate i myself for trying to. Not only because of what i found out but of what i felt.

My family those which i most loved has abandoned me , my friends those i thought could be my ture friends had left me . None was able to understand me , none was able to see the pain in my eyes nor words . None was able to hug me and tell be ” It’s gonna be alright , you won’t go through this by your own ” None. This was all i needed care and love . To feel that i got people around worried about me . To feel that i belong to somewhere. To feel that i am something.

Doctors asked me who to call after surgery , i said i got none ! And so i lived my most painful days without a dear person around me . Not mother nor father to hug me . Not a sister nor brother to tell me a joke. Not a friend to cry with me. I was alone , so alone as i was did and lived in pain

I am dying and none of this matter now. What hurts the most is that they meant alot to me . And that i will always love them regardless of what they do. Harsh as stone they can be but not me . I was created of something so soft and delicate that even words broke me apart. Long nights of invesigations , blood tests , medications and others that i don’t want to recall. I hid my tears and smiled alot other times at night i cry alot just like a little child . Yes ! I cried .

By the time you get this letter i might i will be in the operating room, waiting an unknown destiny . I may not even make it through . Doctors says that the chances of the survival of such brain surgery is so minor . I might not live to see life tomorrow. But i only wanted to say that though my life was painful yet , i loved the people in it .

With love .

A letter from a dying girl .

[Cunninglinguist]

Poem to a Lonely Dying Woman.

Someone cares in some far faraway place
About thy streaming tears on thy soft face
Who are tributary to some lost sea
Of regretful loss and deep misery.
Most see the sea clear in its complexion
But some look by and see their reflection;
By this law, even when living apart,
You’re never truly alone in the heart.

[dizzydoll]

In the Presence ©

At every dawn, monks, farmers, shepherds, fishermen, sailors, joggers, early morning golfers know, that if they choose to, they can stop and treat themselves to witnessing one of nature's unrepeatable performances. At dusk, once again, nature puts on her best for all to see. Those who dare to watch with hearts and minds open, free of the fear of feeling naked, can bathe in the ecstasy of being in the Presence. There is an unmistakable bubble arising from the heart. The heart expands. The fullness of being is experienced. If one is open to it, one is moved to tears.

For centuries non-believers and skeptics have demanded proof, ridiculed those who thirst for a divine experience, and scoffed at their efforts to find That which they yearn for, whatever they think it may be. In the innocence of their ignorance non-believers fail to see that proof is everywhere waiting to be discovered but only by those who dare to take a leap of faith and believe in what cannot be explained but felt in the heart.

What is the Presence?
Where is it found?
Can it be seen?
Can it be heard?
For those who have tasted it, nothing can match its splendor
For those who yearn for it, nothing else can satisfy
It is nowhere
It is everywhere
It is in every sound, every shape, every color
It is in silence, formlessness, and the void
Because it is everything, it is without limits
Because it is infinite, it is always
It is found where night turns into day
And where day turns into night
In the magnificence of the noon day sun
In the comforting shade of the afternoon sun
In the tenderness of a full moon night
And the endless sky of a moonless night
In the moment before a race begins
In the silence at the end of a movie
In the moment just before an airplane lands
In the emptiness at the end of a competition
Upon entering an empty room
Upon saying goodbye to a loved one

In the subtle smile of a newborn child
In the uneven heartbeat of the dying
In the enthusiastic cheers of a curtain call
Above the angry screams of a protest
In a breath of clean, fresh air
Within the constancy of pain

As it is outside
So it is within

The planet is changing. The majesty of nature's response to humanity's ignorance of the Presence in everything leaves the world speechless. The climax of nature's performance is nearing. But despite the drama, in the midst of the performance, the Presence is unchanging. The individual's anchor through the performance, through the drama, is the experience of the Presence within. It is there before, during, and after the climax. It is untouched. It is constant. It is all-powerful.

What need is there to know what is to happen? What need is there to prepare materially? There is no way humanity can thwart the outcome. There is no way to predict when. The only way is to align oneself to the God within, to become the God within.

The unchanging nature of the Presence is unconditional love. When we live in love, when we act from love, we eventually experience that we are that love. Pettiness dissolves into expansion. Feelings of injustice melt into compassion. Anxiety is transformed into peace. There is unflinching courage. There is unquestionable confidence. There is only unconditional love.

This is the calling to human beings of this planet earth: to reclaim the birthright to live in that Presence - to merge with it, to understand that you are no different from it and that all other aspirations, wishes, and personal, as well as community causes, dissolve in the light of this one true desire. It is this desire and only this desire that gives direction, sense and meaning to life in this ocean of existence. It is this desire that fuels human life to return to its origin.

Bask in the light of the Presence.
Become that Love.

[blazeofglory]

This is a very painful letter and yet what I find in this is full of sensibility, sublimity and imagination and wonder how a person in that dire state could so beautifully write down the words she did in this beautiful but heartrending letter. At times when a person is in great distress they will lose their sensibility and power of imagination and fail to sequence or put together fragments of ideas. This is poetic, a good piece of work, tantalizing in point of fact. I do not know whether the power of imagination becomes unbroken after going through a series of illness to the degree you have represented here in the letter. It is bravura!
Maybe all of us no matter how much full of health we are currently we will have to undeterredly go through the straits of suffering the girl had expressed in the letter. When death will be hard by we will see everything indistinct, black and will lose everything thence forth and picture everything murky and feel that nothing so beautiful come out of me but the vomit of words you will find nauseating.

I salute her for being able to write something that could touch us deep down from a deathbed and am thankful to Hoope to represent the letter

[blazeofglory]

In the Presence ©

At every dawn, monks, farmers, shepherds, fishermen, sailors, joggers, early morning golfers know, that if they choose to, they can stop and treat themselves to witnessing one of nature's unrepeatable performances. At dusk, once again, nature puts on her best for all to see. Those who dare to watch with hearts and minds open, free of the fear of feeling naked, can bathe in the ecstasy of being in the Presence. There is an unmistakable bubble arising from the heart. The heart expands. The fullness of being is experienced. If one is open to it, one is moved to tears.

For centuries non-believers and skeptics have demanded proof, ridiculed those who thirst for a divine experience, and scoffed at their efforts to find That which they yearn for, whatever they think it may be. In the innocence of their ignorance non-believers fail to see that proof is everywhere waiting to be discovered but only by those who dare to take a leap of faith and believe in what cannot be explained but felt in the heart.

What is the Presence?
Where is it found?
Can it be seen?
Can it be heard?
For those who have tasted it, nothing can match its splendor
For those who yearn for it, nothing else can satisfy
It is nowhere
It is everywhere
It is in every sound, every shape, every color
It is in silence, formlessness, and the void
Because it is everything, it is without limits
Because it is infinite, it is always
It is found where night turns into day
And where day turns into night
In the magnificence of the noon day sun
In the comforting shade of the afternoon sun
In the tenderness of a full moon night
And the endless sky of a moonless night
In the moment before a race begins
In the silence at the end of a movie
In the moment just before an airplane lands
In the emptiness at the end of a competition
Upon entering an empty room
Upon saying goodbye to a loved one

In the subtle smile of a newborn child
In the uneven heartbeat of the dying
In the enthusiastic cheers of a curtain call
Above the angry screams of a protest
In a breath of clean, fresh air
Within the constancy of pain

As it is outside
So it is within

The planet is changing. The majesty of nature's response to humanity's ignorance of the Presence in everything leaves the world speechless. The climax of nature's performance is nearing. But despite the drama, in the midst of the performance, the Presence is unchanging. The individual's anchor through the performance, through the drama, is the experience of the Presence within. It is there before, during, and after the climax. It is untouched. It is constant. It is all-powerful.

What need is there to know what is to happen? What need is there to prepare materially? There is no way humanity can thwart the outcome. There is no way to predict when. The only way is to align oneself to the God within, to become the God within.

The unchanging nature of the Presence is unconditional love. When we live in love, when we act from love, we eventually experience that we are that love. Pettiness dissolves into expansion. Feelings of injustice melt into compassion. Anxiety is transformed into peace. There is unflinching courage. There is unquestionable confidence. There is only unconditional love.

This is the calling to human beings of this planet earth: to reclaim the birthright to live in that Presence - to merge with it, to understand that you are no different from it and that all other aspirations, wishes, and personal, as well as community causes, dissolve in the light of this one true desire. It is this desire and only this desire that gives direction, sense and meaning to life in this ocean of existence. It is this desire that fuels human life to return to its origin.

Bask in the light of the Presence.
Become that Love.

A very prophetic presentation that wells up deep within and inundates all of us with the river of life. I find lots of substance in what you wrote, some great values I subscribe to all the time.

Truth is everywhere but we need an eye, and all eyes cannot visualize it for it is too much dazzling; of course a glimpse of it descends upon the face or smile of a newly born one, in the way the mother birthing a baby feels both the pains and pleasures at the same time. I remember when my wife was birthing my son she cried in pains but the pleasures of expecting someone was overpowering too. And such truths cannot be worded. Maybe we lack the skill of language or something

[dizzydoll]

A very prophetic presentation that wells up deep within and inundates all of us with the river of life. I find lots of substance in what you wrote, some great values I subscribe to all the time.

Truth is everywhere but we need an eye, and all eyes cannot visualize it for it is too much dazzling; of course a glimpse of it descends upon the face or smile of a newly born one, in the way the mother birthing a baby feels both the pains and pleasures at the same time. I remember when my wife was birthing my son she cried in pains but the pleasures of expecting someone was overpowering too. And such truths cannot be worded. Maybe we lack the skill of language or something

Thank you Blaze you are correct, language cannot adequately explain so many things. Feelings. Inner-knowingness. Awakening. Enlightenment. Vision. Pure Energy. I love the way you say: Truth is everywhere but we need an eye, and all eyes cannot visualize it for it is too much dazzling. Very deep indeed.

Anyway back to the OP, there is no fear on the other side of the rainbow, if we are alone there's a reason. Besides people talk too much, being alone gives one time to breathe and be available to the greater Life Force which we are all connected to, cannot see, and can only feel within the awareness of our connection to our surroundings.

[blazeofglory]

Thank you Blaze you are correct, language cannot adequately explain so many things. Feelings. Inner-knowingness. Awakening. Enlightenment. Vision. Pure Energy. I love the way you say: Truth is everywhere but we need an eye, and all eyes cannot visualize it for it is too much dazzling. Very deep indeed.

Anyway back to the OP, there is no fear on the other side of the rainbow, if we are alone there's a reason. Besides people talk too much, being alone gives one time to breathe and be available to the greater Life Force which we are all connected to, cannot see, and can only feel within the awareness of our connection to our surroundings.

Ideas condition us and we tend to think the way we understand and assimilate things. You have a wonderful mind open to all ideas and I am afraid which ideas you will settle yourself with. You read from Osho to Zen, to Tao to Vedanta to Walden without end, the greatest masters. I read Tolstoy's resurrections when I was just a school boy and it continued resonating my mind and vibrating my spirit for long. I always got fascinated by the ones you always make allusions of. The one I repeatedly in fact eternally read is the Prophet by Khalil Gibran. I find it always inspirational. I at times feel lost as to whereat should I stop. Maybe I am seeking for the truth I will never arrive at. Maybe the truth is as Vedanta is resonant with Neti, Neti meaning –not this, not this. What then?

[dizzydoll]

The reason I jump from one teaching to the other is because NOT ONE has the answers Blaze. And there is learning and teaching in everything including Christianity, altho I am not familiar with that doctrine as the Eastern Belief Systems have far more of an appeal for me.

Not only is Khalil Gibran's poetry compelling but so is the artwork in his books. Here is "Speak to us on Children" diagram. I'm loving it.

http://www.inner-growth.info/khalil_gibran_prophet/images/artwork/gibran_art_g102.jpg


And some more:


http://www.susanneangst.com/poetry/gibran/art/images/Gibran04.jpg


http://www.susanneangst.com/poetry/gibran/art/images/Gibran05.jpg

[Cunninglinguist]

Don't hijack this post with your discussions about truth, take it somewhere else. Frankly I would be offended if I were Hoope, this peice she posted isn't meant to be analyzed, nor does it deserve hollow praise, and especially isn't meant to be a segway into some philosophical discussion, but just deserves understanding.