Post beginner poems! :)

[Lydzi]

Hi, I am new here and only 12, so my poems aren't that incredible. But perhaps someone would be kind enough to write a comment about this short poem? Also, post poems of your own, and have them commented on!
Here it is:

See me.

What do you see, my friends, what do you see?
A girl of no beauty - is that all there is to me?
Nondescript and weary, not particularly wise,
With a mouth that rarely smiles, and sombre, listless eyes.

But really there's much more to me - it's just that no-one tries,
To look within the girl who's neither liked nor despised,
To look past the troubled eyes, small figure, pale face,
So they can see the girl who once was full of smiles and grace.

Once upon a time, guardian angels watched from above,
Until my life was ripped apart from unrequite love,
Since then the nights are endless, and there's no point in the day,
But now there's room for fury and I've something left to say.

Perhaps you didn't know, perhaps you didn't understand,
What it's like to have everything turn to dust in your hand,
But next time that you look at me, it might just cross your mind,
To look past the plain appearence and see what is behind.

See me.

[stephofthenight]

I like it. I don't think age realy matters on poetry. Because you have just as many emotions, trials, feelings as any one who is older than you. and Poetry is words that express feeling or beauty. either way this is lovley, don't let yourself think that you cant be great because you are still young. :D HUGS :D Keep up the great work.
steph

P.S. Welcome to Litnet

[MorpheusSandman]

This is a lovely poem and I'm especially struck by your use of language being that you're only 12; I'm guessing you're way ahead of the average reading level in your grade, right? My only suggestion is this; when you write poetry in rhymes, especially in couplets (where each pair of lines rhyme), you need to pay careful attention to the meter/rhythm. If you want to learn more I highly recommend the Wikipedia page on poetry (which is where I learned most of what I know) as scroll down to the parts on meter/rhythm. You should also feel free to write poetry that doesn't have rhyme or, at least, end rhymes.

But, most importantly, just practice, practice, practice! Write whatever comes into your head. If something inspires you, try to imitate it and find out why it works. Whenever I discover new forms I'm often inspired to write poetry in that form to see how it comes out.

And welcome to Litnet!

[PrinceMyshkin]

Welcome, indeed - there's no question in my mind but that you belong here and, what's more, that having written with such composure you will go on writing for the pleasure that true poets get from loving language and using it well.

[The Walker]

I really liked this poem. Welcome to litnet! :)

[Lydzi]

Thank you for your comments, everyone. I was very pleased at them, they made me have more confidence in my writing. Also I am grateful for the writing tip! :D Thanks guys!

[billl]

Thank you for your comments, everyone. I was very pleased at them, they made me have more confidence in my writing...

Whoa, I saw PLENTY of confidence in that poem already. :)

[Nick Capozzoli]

Lydzi,

I hope that you (and the other posters to this forum) won't take my comments as too critical, but I am surprised by your claim to be a 12 year-old girl who wrote the poem you submitted. If a 12 year-old wrote this poem, it would be quite surprising. Rimbaud wrote some fine and startling poems at a somewhat later age. I've also read Lolita and I hope that your will forgive me for wondering if perhaps an adult wrote See Me.

I work in a prison mental health facility, and have had quite a bit of clinical experience with pedophiles. If you are indeed a 12 year-old girl, I don't want you to be offended by these comments.

Nor do I want to be seen as some sort of paranoid and mean-spirited curmudgeon by my fellow Lit-Netters. :sick:

[Lydzi]

Ach. That is kind of a cross between a critisism and a compliment, is it not? Flattering to be considered a good enough writer to write like an adult - and also much LESS flattering to be considered a dodgy adult acting as a child. I assure you I AM twelve! I wrote this poem about me - and half the reason people treat me like this is because I constantly have my head in the clouds, or in a book.

Lydia (Lydzi)

P.S English is my favourite subject at school.

[paperleaves]

I admire you for your heart and capabilities as a writer--always keep the confidence you have, it is an important aspect of a poet and you already have obtained it! I can empathize with how you feel, at your age we were one in the same. Keep posting, welcome to the site, and congratulations on a great first post!

[Nick Capozzoli]

Ach. That is kind of a cross between a critisism and a compliment, is it not? Flattering to be considered a good enough writer to write like an adult - and also much LESS flattering to be considered a dodgy adult acting as a child. I assure you I AM twelve! I wrote this poem about me - and half the reason people treat me like this is because I constantly have my head in the clouds, or in a book.

Lydia (Lydzi)

P.S English is my favourite subject at school.

Lydia,

I responded to your PM, but I want to post a similar response here for all to see. I'm sorry if you took offense at my comment. I had no intention whatsoever to offend a 12 year-old poet, and I'm mortified if I did.

As I wrote in my e-mail response to you, there are some very bad people out there who abuse children. They are called pedophiles, and I hope you never meet any of them. I'm sure that your parents know about these bad people and they want to protect you from them.

I work in a prison where I get to see many of these individuals. I wish that all of them were safely locked up in prison, but there are many who are not.

As regards your poem, I have to say that I have never seen such wonderful writing from any other 12 year-old. You should therefore take my comment that an adult seems to have written it as a very high compliment.:)

Nick