Phaeton's Folly

[qimissung]

When Phaeton was flung,
by a thunderbolt into a nearby river,
the fishermen did not pause in their
gathering of the days’ harvest
nor yet did schools of fish startle
and disperse when the burning
body fell, a speck merely,
in the vast harmonium
of earth and sea and sky

the sun, his father, did hide his head
in sorrow, and as any earthly man,
grieved in sackcloth and ashes;
but the moon at close of day
rose, calm and serene and still
in its silver, solemn beauty
and the stars remained fixed in their
infinite purpose and luminosity
throughout that dark night

his sisters wept, and grew
rooted in their amber sorrow
but the birds silenced not their song;
and the lovers standing in the shade
of the olive tree kissed, and marveled still
at the beauty in the dark eyes of their
beloved, felt joy course through their limbs
and bubble over in their hearts’ fountain;

earth, first frozen, then charred, ignored
the question rising from his dead lips;
the river, only, wrinkled its smooth
brow in puzzlement at the keening
sound reverberating in the valley;
the graceful cattails, admiring their
reflections, trembled for a moment,
then, resurrecting their complacency,
bent forward, admiring again

[MorpheusSandman]

I always love pieces that evoke classical poetry and forms and this one certainly does. I love how you play with syntactical patterns to evoke a kind of archaic remoteness; especially given the subject matter. The language is also very lovely.

[PrinceMyshkin]

Although I've given you my enthusiastic response to this privately, I want to bump this to the top in the hope that it will get more of the appreciative comments it deserves.

[qimissung]

Thank you, kind Prince. Actually, I think I'm going to change the name of this to "A Mortal Coil." I would like to address the dynamics of the father's desire to give, the terrible consequences that resulted, as well as the son's tragic end.

[just mercedes]

Beautiful poem, rich and resonant in style, language and theme. Bravo!

[qimissung]

Thank You, just mercedes! :)

[paperleaves]

This is a beautiful, evocative piece...my favorite....
"his sisters wept, and grew
rooted in their amber sorrow
but the birds silenced not their song;
and the lovers standing in the shade
of the olive tree kissed, and marveled still
at the beauty in the dark eyes of their
beloved, felt joy course through their limbs
and bubble over in their hearts’ fountain;"

so stunningly beautiful.

[qimissung]

Thank you, paperleaves. I'm honored.

[AuntShecky]

The theme of this is much like the way Auden describes the fall of Icarus in "Musee de Beaux Arts."

Kudos for taking a risk in choosing to use classical allusions. It's a fine piece.

[qimissung]

Thank you, AuntShecky. Actually, I first wrote this abut Icarus, after seeing the picture again a few days ago. The poem had the theme of a death gone unnoticed, and I re-read the one you refer to. I've read it before, and it's tone and theme was just too similar, so I changed it to Phaeton, and changed a few other things, and here it is.

This one encompasses, though, the folly of the father in making the gift to his son that led to his death, as well as the folly of the son in asking for something that was beyond his ken.