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MorpheusSandman
06-28-2009, 06:17 AM
You, me
In the distance
I see you in a form
Whispering silence in twilight
Move me

Standing
Still, a silk dress
Cover, transparent pearl
Flowing under the lambent moon
Like milk

Rippling
Like a toe’s touch
On ponds of silver glass
Reaching out towards remote shores
Fading

Halo
Luminous glow
Rays caught in a prism
Refracted through your crystal shape
Angel

Vision
Of waving grass
Tickling your tender feet
As you drift just above the Earth
Wonder

Falling
Soft rain and leaves
A paradox in spring
Under a lucid midnight sky
Let fall

Fields of
Honeysuckle
Clover and magnolia
Mix in perfumes that waft across
The scene

I hold
My breath and pause
Knowing that if I breathe
Like a butterfly in my hand
You’ll stir

Yume -
Do you know me?
Could I ever touch you?
Hold you close for warmth in winter?
Softly
I fear this is a fragile dream
Soon to fall and fracture
Shatter around
You, me

PrinceMyshkin
06-28-2009, 11:10 AM
I'm not sure I get what is intended by the name "Yume" other than that it might refer to a oneness between the two of you? The way you use this form is splendid, the bold proclamation of the single word opening of each verse, followed by the seemind diminuendo or surrender of the equally short final line of each verse.

Kutta
06-28-2009, 11:45 AM
PrinceMyshkin, "yume" means "dream" (Japanese).

Nice word play anyway. 'Yume'/'you and me' embodies both the dreamlike landscape and the love theme. I wonder if the poem is inspired by an actual dream. A while ago my own experiences of totally unrequited love spawned a great deal of dreams like this.

Beautiful poem overall.

paperleaves
06-28-2009, 03:00 PM
Now that it has been explained, the word play seems even more fantastic than it did before! Congratulations on creating a beautiful, tranquil, ethereal experience...

P.S. I LOVE
"Standing
Still, a silk dress
Cover, transparent pearl
Flowing under the lambent moon
Like milk"

my favorite.

MorpheusSandman
06-30-2009, 12:53 AM
Thanks guys. Good thing Kutta aka cesc-2 was here to explain the 'yume' thing. This piece did come to me in a kind of reverie; one of those moments during the day where you space out and the images just kinda popped in there.

MorpheusSandman
07-01-2009, 01:15 AM
Might as well post this here; here's a new single stanza Cinquain, based on a true story:

Rabbit
Once young and small
Would run between the bricks
Then he grew older, got fat, and
Got stuck

qimissung
07-01-2009, 01:17 AM
You wrote a wonderful poem, Morpheus. You are the king of dreams today. This is beautiful; I think the most outstanding part of it is the way you were able to maintain the tension, the tone, throughout each succeeding stanza. Not one misstep. It glides, like Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers.

The second stanza is my favorite, too.

MorpheusSandman
07-01-2009, 10:34 PM
Thanks very much qimissung.

blazeofglory
07-04-2009, 11:24 AM
A very beautiful poem and indeed it is absorbing.

Helga
07-04-2009, 11:58 AM
beautiful, great flow and the word play was very good, after reading what yume means it's even better. it's sexy and dreamy.

MorpheusSandman
07-05-2009, 08:05 PM
Thanks to Helga and blaze of glory.