pyramid

[whitman]

You were never the same
after Rebecca disappeared.
Mother retreated into her
labyrinths, exhausted.After
that trip out to the moors,
caught in the rain,sick with
a fever you began to construct
a small pyramid in the back garden,
out of bricks from a builders skip.


You wrapped a dead bird in bandages
and dug up the neighbour's
dead cat,placing them both in this
new construction.Mother screamed
when you told her it wouldn't be long,
before you laid alongside the cat and
the bird ready to be incarnated with Rebecca.

[Justin Rockwell]

Very complex and interesting. You have very Tricky/complex wordplay like the rapper Lupe Fiasco.

please return the feedback...

http://www.online-literature.com/forums/showthread.php?t=45182

[whitman]

very good-interesting and different

[MorpheusSandman]

I could actually see this as the beginning of a short prose story rather than poetry; but it's very interesting, especially in the tone; I like the combination of solemnity expressed with such sobriety.