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KazTarja
06-24-2009, 04:25 AM
These are two of the many poems i have written that i believe have any worth... but i am looking forward to hearing what others who DONT know me think. honesty is always appreciated :D

Angel

The blue eyes of an angel,
Look upon my misery,
In pity and sadness,
A pale hand is offered,
Such flawless skin,
Must not be stained,
By one such as me.

I lower my head in service,
Unable to keep my head high,
The beauty and light blinds me,
Loath to reveal my face,
I pull away and hide in the surrounding darkness,
Awaiting my moment of justice.

A cool breeze caresses my cheek,
As the light envelopes me again,
And my chin is lifted gently,
She kisses me softly on each eye,
And then lifts me to my feet,
Holding me in her warm embrace,
My soul is flooded with reverence,
And thanks.

My Fairytale

This is not a fairytale
There are no bright stars
No strong Knights
No Happy endings

The pain is everlasting
A burning so intense
No ice will soothe it
No love will calm it

The pain is ever-increasing
Twisting and turning as it strives to break free
To keep it within threatens to destroy you
But I can’t let go

You were never my knight
Never my golden army
You never made me a princess
No fairytale unfolded before my eyes
But I loved you, with all my heart

And you are no longer worthy of it
Perhaps I will find someone else
But never will I find my fairytale

Thanks for reading :):)

Justin Rockwell
06-24-2009, 11:44 AM
Woah!!! Really nice writing. I can find one negative about any one of them. Very impressed.

Please return the feedback....

http://www.online-literature.com/forums/showthread.php?t=45182

KazTarja
06-25-2009, 01:21 AM
wow thanks :D totally made my day

MorpheusSandman
06-25-2009, 02:17 AM
Both are lovely; I especially like My Fairytale which is rather heartbreaking. My only suggestion would be to be careful of using too many cliches (eyes of an angel, caresses my cheek, etc.), but otherwise the language is very sensual.