Howdy

[Ajit]

Hey I'm Ajit, and my real name is Jacob. I'm a graphic artist (technically a professional if you consider a professional as someone who gets paid for what they do), a fan for the surreal, awesome music; hardcore, hardrock, screamo, experimental, punk, everything minus country, and a guy who likes to read a book every once in a while.

My favorite genres of writing are sci-fi, fantasy, and socio-political novels.

My most recently read book is The Book of Daniel by E. L. Doctorow, an awesome novel that is a nice fictionalization of the Rosenberg's situation of Communism in the 1950's. I love most any book based between 1900 to 1980.

I'm a fan of Doctorow, T.A. Barron (Young Merlin series), and Philip K. Dick (awesome sci-fi/surrealist author).

So I hope to read some nice things on here and hopefully I can get some critique on my own stories (tell it to me straight! I hear critique all the time for my artwork, be honest and blunt but try to remain constructive and helpful).

Check out my first posted work in progress: http://www.online-literature.com/forums/showthread.php?p=740371#post740371

[ta1lz]

I read the prologue you posted, and I didn't find many things wrong with it.

1. There were several long sentences that could have been seperated into smaller ones...mostly around when the cheif man was receiving and reacting to the scroll.
2. When you're talking about the cheif man a lot, use pronouns for him a little more often.
3. There were a couple grammatical errors.

Besides that, you have a great opening to what I can tell will be a great story. Keep it up!

And you said you're an artist...do you have a deviantart? Just curious. :)

[Ajit]

Thanks a lot for the feedback :)

and yes I have a dA ;)

http://jacobphilpott.deviantart.com/

here's one of my best in my opinion, made from scratch, surreal/abstract

http://fc00.deviantart.com/fs40/f/2009/042/9/0/Fragile_by_JacobPhilpott.png