Shades of Grey

[Pendragon]

Shades of Grey

Right is wrong, wrong is right,
Black begins to merge with white,
All of the truths that we used to think
Are tottering on the very brink
There is no point that does not vary,
A firm decision now seems scary
When you try to focus the lens just blurs
Even the computer sometimes errs
There is no black nor white today:
Portrait of Life: In Shades of Grey…

Pendragon

[qimissung]

I love the irony! That "All the truths we used to think are tottering on the very brink..." but with an unerring eye you got to the heart and truth of the matter. Well done!

[Dark Muse]

oooh I really like this, and it is so true

[PrinceMyshkin]

A touch bleak - but nimble!

[billl]

nice poem! and sometimes true.

[just mercedes]

This reminded me of the words of a song from the 60's - but I can't remember who sang it...

'Cold hearted orb that rules the night
removes the colors from our sight
red is grey and yellow white,
but we decide which is right
and which is an illusion.'

Nice poem, from a very jaded POV it seems.

[Dark Muse]

Funny, I really did not find this poem to be jadded or negative in anyway at all. It is true that in life everything is a shade of gray, there is no absolute black and white, I don't find that a bad thing. Problems occur when people who have too rigid morals try to impose thier own sense of what is right upon others.

[firefangled]

A sad, but often true portrait, Pen.

[firefangled]

This reminded me of the words of a song from the 60's - but I can't remember who sang it...

'Cold hearted orb that removes the colors from our sight
red is grey and yellow white,
but we decide which is right
and which is an illusion.'

Nice poem, from a very jaded POV it seems.

I think the Moody Blues, but I can't remember the album or song.

[redEnrapt]

Very haunting. I love it. Thank you.

[billl]

i forgot that part of the song. actually i never memorized it--but remembered there was a bit of poetry at the end of one of their biggest hits: Knights in White Satin. A definite track for any Lit Net CD that might be in the works.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=daAZuVyjBKU&feature=related

The quote from Mercedes' post is at about 6:30. There are some better videos, but they end before the poetry bit.

[Pendragon]

A very big thank you to everybody. Funny, I submitted this poem for publication at least 12 times and have 12 rejection slips! :p

[breathtest]

Has a definite rhythm to it, and the rhyming is good

[MorpheusSandman]

I like the content, but the form could use some work. When working in rhymes (especially couplets or any fixed form) it's important to constantly pay attention to meter and not break it unless you're doing it for effect. Rhyme creates a natural sense of rhythm which is carried by the meter, so breaking the meter breaks the effect of the rhyme.

Here's my suggestions:


Right is wrong, wrong is right,
Black begins to merge with white,

by putting "and" between 'wrong, wrong' it preserves the meter, but the comma creates a natural pause so it's not essential.

All of the truths that we used to think
Are tottering on the very brink

Since most of the piece is in iambic tetrameter (often with the heads cut off the first iamb; which isn't really a problem) you have to be careful of pyrrhic substitutions which really break the rhythm; in the first line it scans like this:

/ x x / x x / x /

This can be fixed by simply removing the first "of" and the first "that": "All the truths we used to think"

you might also want to elide the 'e' in 'tottering' to make it clear it's to be read in two syllables: "tott'ring".

When you try to focus the lens just blurs
Even the computer sometimes errs

Similar metric problems: x x / x / x x / x / - / x x x / x / x /

I would reword it like:

"When focusing the lens just blurs
Computers even (seem to)(sometimes) err"

I wouldn't worry about matching the plural "s" ending as the rhyme works fine.

[Stargazer86]

Good flow. Well written and true!