Not sure on the title.

[kevinthediltz]

I see nothing but hate,
Every man is a con
Every woman a whore
Every child a fiend

I am nothing but hate
Blacker than the sun
A blanket of death over flower fields
A cold blade hidden in warm skin

You will wear a necklace of thin piano wire
You will dance in the desert night, hanging in the air
Flames lick at your feet, two-step dancing feet
I will slit your throat.


I know I've been slacking on my writing... :(.... Girls
Comments please! :)

[qimissung]

I like the second two stanzasbest-I think you're walking perilously close to cliche with the first. But you've got some really good imagery going on with the next two stanzas. I especially like "a cold blade hidden in warm skin" and everything about the third!

[kevinthediltz]

Thanks qimissung. Yes I was debating about how to write the first stanza, but I really wanted to include it.

[PrinceMyshkin]

Surely there's something missing from this - aside from humanity! How is one to connect stanza 1 - in which he sees the hatred in all of humanity - to stanza 2 in which he identifies himself as hatred? This latter kind of nullifies any sadness he might feel at universal hatred? Or is stanza 1 meant to justify 2?

The line that Qimmisung liked may give us the clue, the blade hidden within the warm skin is the vindictive anger of the man who was hurt, but how are we to relate to the last stanza's foaming madness?

[acdouglas92]

"You will wear a necklace of thin piano wire
You will dance in the desert night, hanging in the air
Flames lick at your feet, two-step dancing feet
I will slit your throat."

I'm struggling to understand this part...can you explain? Otherwise, excellent poem! To me it shows the extent to which hate can create havoc in our lives; basically what it does to humanity.

As for a title.... "Hate's Offspring"?

[kevinthediltz]

Acdouglas: The last stanza is basically a description of death. A vivid one. This is just how I write.... Thanks for the comment.

Prince: I have but one word: Vengence. The author goes from seeing hate in the world outside of him, to being consumed by the hate and finally passing it on to another in a grusome, revenge seeking death.