Little sparrow

[Swallow]

Faithful and grey little sparrow
has beautiful colours inside
Warm are her heart and soul
and her splendid horizon seems wide

Faithful and grey little sparrow
flies on her strong wings of love
She's joining my trip to the valley
from the snowcovered mountains above

Faithful and grey little sparrow
has stayed in the winters cold
spending her time in the main role
as a messenger for my soul

Faithful and grey little sparrow
is teaching me how to survive
during the wintertime sorrow
Thanks, sparrow, I'm still alive

Faithful and grey little sparrow
brave as the eagles I see
up in the whitecoloured mountains
flying away with my dream

Faithful and grey little sparrow
married to life since her birth
is waiting for springtime revival
She has given her wings to the earth

[amuse]

i like how the sparrow is both your companion and teacher. there's something comforting about this poem...

[Miranda]

I think this is a wonderful poem. I keep a book that I write my favourite poems in - and I would love to add this to it, but I wouldn't without your permission. I love the hope that it brings - the contrast between the 'littleness 'of the sparrow, and her bravery and indomitable spirit - surviving the vast wintry landscape against all the odds, looking towards the spring.

Lots of poems that use such regular rhythm and rhyme become dominated by them so that they take away something from the meaning. But here you have used them to their very best advantage and I think that it is excellent the way that they carry the words and meanings along. I particularly like these lines 'Faithful and grey little sparrow, brave as the eagles I see.' Again contrasting the apparently non-descript 'grey little sparrow' with the eagle, the sparrow's faithfulness and bravery matching that of one of nature's mightiest birds.

I think the poem is excellent and the only line that you might improve upon is line three in verse three. I am not sure why this line doesn't quite work, but it has something to do with the word 'role'. It might be because it rhymes with 'soul'. This makes three lines rhyme, which somehow throws it out a little. All the other lines in the verse are perfect and convey what you mean them to convey. But line three is not quite right, though I confess I do not know how to improve it. But I think your poem is wonderful and you should try and get it published somewhere.

Miranda