On that Day

[PrinceMyshkin]

On the very same day a child was born
who might have grown up
to be the Messiah
( for every child is potentially a saviour),

on that very same day
a man was killed
for no apparent reason.

A match was struck,
the flame shot up,
and the man was dead,

who might have been the one
to recognize and proclaim the Messiah.

[PoeticPassions]

This one, for me, was emotionally striking, so to speak. It sparked an emotional response. I think that is the most beautiful thing about poetry, and what each poem should produce.

Thanks for this one, PrinceMyshkin.

[AuntShecky]

Regardless of the poet's intentions, I tell you what this evokes (to me) and that was the horrible tragedy that occurred yesterday in Washington, DC.

Forgive me if I'm wrong.

[PrinceMyshkin]

Regardless of the poet's intentions, I tell you what this evokes (to me) and that was the horrible tragedy that occurred yesterday in Washington, DC.

Forgive me if I'm wrong.

Truth is I began writing and polishing it at least a day or two before that incident. But of course I've been thinking of that murder since I first saw a broadcast of it, and it and a NY Review of Books essay I just read on the IDF policy re non-combatants in Gaza, led me to think of trying to write a sufficiently bitter poem that would begin:


I’m gonna wash those Jews
right out of my hair,
I’m gonna wash those Jews
right out of my hair,
and send them on their way...

[PrinceMyshkin]

This one, for me, was emotionally striking, so to speak. It sparked an emotional response. I think that is the most beautiful thing about poetry, and what each poem should produce.

Thanks for this one, PrinceMyshkin.

And thanks to you for your comment. It means a lot to me either to amuse a reader or to spark an emotional response.

[symphony]

sometimes some poems in this section of the forum makes me think i could go meet the poet and place myself on the floor before his/her feet and look up to him/her and listen to some of his/her poems from his/her own mouth.
i'd just stare...
and listen,
and love.

[MorpheusSandman]

I love the concept and content, but I think the form could use just a bit a work. The first stanza ends in a comma, suggesting that it links to the second, but you then repeat the "on that very same day". You might start the poem with "On that day", which will then make the "on that very same day" of the next stanza make more sense. I'd also just end the first stanza with an end-stop.

Also, on the ordering, I actually think it would be interesting if you put the man dying first, because this stanza:

A match was struck,
the flame shot up,
and the man was dead,

if it leads to the child being born, can actually suggest a Phoenix rising from the ashes.

[kiz_paws]

On the very same day a child was born
who might have grown up
to be the Messiah
( for every child is potentially a saviour),

on that very same day
a man was killed
for no apparent reason.

A match was struck,
the flame shot up,
and the man was dead,

who might have been the one
to recognize and proclaim the Messiah.
This was a poem that I re-read a few times and was still struck by its grip. You have such a wonderful ability to say volumes with a few well chosen words. :)

[PrinceMyshkin]

sometimes some poems in this section of the forum makes me think i could go meet the poet and place myself on the floor before his/her feet and look up to him/her and listen to some of his/her poems from his/her own mouth.
i'd just stare...
and listen,
and love.

If my floor is one of those you're thinking of, please give me sufficient advance notice so that I could sweep, wash and polish it.

[symphony]

oh please do start! ;)

[Pendragon]

Heartrendingly truthful... :)

[PrinceMyshkin]

Heartrendingly truthful... :)

Many thanks - it was difficult contemplating the oossible truth of that.