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View Full Version : What do you think of my opening?



LeonClaire
06-09-2009, 10:27 AM
Chapter I

Opening:

My parents always told me stories when I was younger, Stories about demons & vampires some of them were very convincing sometimes I actually believed my dad was a vampire hunter, my mother was my life I lived to look after her, she was a architect they were both passionate about the world that may live beyond, I think they kept secrets to protect me until, we went on holiday to Chicago where my mum and dad had a small cabin, we went every year, this is where the truth was revealed to me, before we left for Chicago I started to have strange dreams about a girl, in this latest dream she appears so sad and helpless, yet her beauty was something else, something out of this world, I thought it was just a one off dream like every dream, but this lasted months, I wondered if getting away from New England would help.

We arrived at the cabin it took over 3 hours to get there we had 2 suitcases and a plastic bag with our lunch in it, which I had in the front with me, my dad was exhausted from the drive, my mum was so relaxed and excited as she was every year, I think she was excited, because she knew she could now get my dad to change the old wallpaper we've had in the living room, and me, I felt a bit strange about today especially about the dream I had the day before. I was convinced more than ever that something bad was going to happen, the dark gloom that mounted over the scenery wasn't helping my bad feeling that much either.

Scheherazade
06-09-2009, 11:07 AM
Hi Leon,

I wanted to give feedback on this but lack of "proper" grammar and punctuation got to me so much that I could not finish reading it (only scanned).

If you edit this, it will make a better reading.

Good luck!

jekan blazer
06-09-2009, 01:07 PM
ditto on the last post... otherwise it is intresting

krispykritta
06-10-2009, 07:59 PM
i agree but it sounds like an interesting start and it defenatly sounds like something i would enjoy reading.