fallout (when seashells remember)

[amuse]

nights when we
kissed on our
feather bed
used to blow me out
of the water
then one
afternoon you
split the atom -

said you'd
split yourself -
i was a little stupid
thought you loved
me a whole lot
stupid
thought i'd loved me
a knot in
my gut
there's a
knot in
the world,
something like
two teenagers
carving their initials
into trees,
picnic
tables...

once we
read their
woodwork
with our
fingertips
skimmed
our eyes
with
each other’s
lips

skimmed stones
and skipped
hearts, years
later read the
paper
years later
discovered
our world
was gone -
everything lost -
nothing left

just shadows on
buildings
where we once
stood
memories where
we once lived.
hiroshima
reborn, reliving,
respillingintoour
heartslikedyingoceansstumblingontothegodda**edshor e.



the cockroaches
don’t remember.
and they
don’t care.

sometimes...
when
i curl
myself
into a ball the
size of a seashell
you
remind me of
one.

[amuse]

btw

the run-on line shows a break between two letters when on one line so i had to separate it into two.

[mono]

Very nice, amuse. The title fits very well in the conclusion; at first I questioned it, but leaving the reader in anticipation results in an unpredictably beautiful simile at the end. Again, you utilize many concrete objects to describe nearly metaphysical things (such as "splitting the atom" and "splitting yourself"); additionally, comparing the seemingly common "teenagers carving their names in trees" with reading the carvings "with your fingers," and "skimmed eyes with each other's lips" seemed especially touching, as if this relationship requires no carving, but communicates like in that Rumi poem that I love:

All our lives, we've looked
Into each others faces.
That was the case today too.

How do we keep our love secret?
We speak from brow to brow
And hear with our eyes.
The run on sentence sent shivers down my spine, so original, and, simultaneously, so reminiscent of the brilliant E.E. Cummings

respillingintoour
heartslikedyingoceansstumblingontothegodda**edshor e.
The last strophe also ends with a strong degree of intimate reminiscence, which I love, especially with the line-breaks (caesuras) that make significant every word.

sometimes...
when
i curl
myself
into a ball the
size of a seashell
you
remind me of
one.
Well done! :)

[Helga]

I love the rythm in it, good work!

[amuse]

thank you, mono and Helga.
hey, mono, you added stuff! that was so nice of you!

btw, the title is undergoing another change. too unclear as is. Scher, how does one change the title, not just the heading?

[Scheherazade]

Is this better amuse? :)

[amuse]

ooh, thank you, Yes! :)

[fayefaye]

that's really pretty... I like the symbolism of Hiroshima - the end of the world type split the atom thing.. and the cockroaches. its so sad too... but it's really good :)

[amuse]

thank you, i'm glad you like it...i'm sorry it's pretty. it was painful to post, very personal.

glad you got the symbolism of Hiroshima, bodies' shadows on the walls. i appreciate you noticing that and the atom. :)



i've started to wonder if i should post lately...it seems too obscure anymore. the roach was T, the fallout ours. and being tightly curled in the fetal position is very like a seashell and i'm tired of writing mottled stuff.

[fayefaye]

I'm sorry you're sorry it's pretty..:(..I meant it as a compliment... :(

I think I understood all of it... I thought it was sad ... and it sounded painful too but it was written beautifully. That's what I meant when I said it was pretty. The imagery --- the trees carved with lovehearts.. those are common in sunny parks where everything looks so ideallic and beautiful where the sun glints off the grass and the trees and tints things almost golden (there was a park down the near my house which your poem reminded me of), perhaps reflective of a certain period in our lives, where things perhaps do seem ideallic for a little while.... the picnic tables, lakes where you skip stones... I think that sounds beautiful, that's what i meant when I said it was pretty. (probably a bad adjective to use...)

and then the fallout. so sudden and horrific and painful and yet the way it was written in past tense and foreshadowed in the introduction, it feels inevitable, and that's what makes it so sad.

*hugs* I really like the piece. Don't you dare stop posting.