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ezawislak22
05-30-2009, 02:50 PM
This is my first time posting, so here goes...


She catches your eye upon entering
You sit silently, but revel in the occasional view of her face,
the liquid, languid way she moves
effortless, efficient, easy.
Her long brown hair falls in her face and she doesn't attempt to push it away
or her blond waves sway with each gliding step
or her jet black mane rests loosely on the nape of her neck,
rogue hairs escaping to create a dark halo.
She has perfect skin and wears no make-up
or she is never seen without thick black eyeliner and lips stained red
or her three visible tattoos lead your mind to wandering.
She talks easily about her philosophy major
or discreetly about the year in Turkey or Tibet or Santiago
or not at all about the heartbreak she feels unceasingly.
She comes over to you after a few extended minutes
or she knows what you want and brings it on cue
or she ignores you.
She doesn't seem as busy as she is
and if she knows you, she will stop to speak, always with a smile
And this moment that in your mind will last forever
will be wiped from hers as she drags the dishtowel down the bar to the next
ubiquitous, thirsty man.

qimissung
06-03-2009, 10:33 AM
I think this is quite good and you nailed it with the ending. Keep writing and posting!

PrinceMyshkin
06-03-2009, 10:38 AM
Man! What a brilliant portrait of the perpetual watcher, and indeed, as qimmisung noted, what a fine, self-reflective ending.

As one of those watchers myself I have sometimes wondered what it is like to be one of those women who are - at least peripherally - aware of the eyes that constantly notice them, admire them, hunger for them or mentally undress them.

Amylian
06-03-2009, 12:28 PM
The visiulization is exquisitely well-done. And the way you captured all of her movements, style, and thoughts are similar to someone I know...lol! Really, exactly the same, they both could be a twin...

ezawislak22
06-04-2009, 03:35 PM
thanks guys! i've spent quite a bit of time being bother the watcher and the watched...

~Sophia~
06-04-2009, 07:19 PM
I wasn't taken with the first few lines (been there, done that kind of a feeling) but then the poem opened up and now I'm completely on-side with other comments. Very Good!

ezawislak22
06-05-2009, 12:59 AM
thanks for your comments, sophia. i'm not 100% sold on the beginning either...maybe need to work on this some more...

amanda_isabel
06-05-2009, 03:58 AM
I wasn't taken with the first few lines (been there, done that kind of a feeling) but then the poem opened up and now I'm completely on-side with other comments. Very Good!

I definitely agree with the first part giving a been there, done that feeling but with the rest of the poem, it works. Great work!

blazeofglory
06-06-2009, 10:09 AM
But it shows you have a very experienced hand in writing!