An Elegy to A Dying Village

[Amylian]

Hello,
Recently, I developed a liking to Old Poetry Style and I have composed two so far. One was the Beast and now this. I just hope you like it.


"An Elegy to A Dying Village"

The Death Knell knocked not the door of the Valley of Yellow Mist
Ere the Era of an undying dismal smoke, ere the Era of Eye cyst.
Death did diligently attend Our Souls with care and concerns,
Like a White Pigeon peacefully seeking food, and, to its little children, yearns.
So arrived a Time, a Place that swept our children away,
So arrived a Time, a Place where many unwanted graves did lay.
Unenhanced episode of Insidious Plot, of a Money-Man who resents,
His sickle he scythed with, through the unfortunate villagers’ consents.
Now Rest In Peace my fellow men, my fellow women, my children,
Do live in Heaven, Do cry your lovers and Do share grief with you those flying wren,
Tomorrow, with gentle Darkness, our Village will still be,
And today, our names are beautifully sculptured on our Will, in Us written: “we shalt be free.”

Regards,
Ali Makki AKA Amylian.

[PrinceMyshkin]

I deeply appreciate the tenderness & caring throughout this and particularly liked the line:



Like a White Pigeon peacefully seeking food, and, to its little children, yearns.

[Amylian]

I deeply appreciate the tenderness & caring throughout this.
And I, too, appreciate the tenderness and caring in your comment and am glad you found something you liked...

[MorpheusSandman]

I love imitation of classical styles and forms (I do it a lot) and I really liked this piece. My only suggestion is that if you're going to write in rhyming couplets, I'd recommend keeping a fairly steady meter. In fact, technically, formally, this isn't an elegy as elegiac verse has an alternating meter of 6 and 5 beats - usually in iambs - like: "You died a time ago, and all your mem'ry shows / In life around me all time moves so slow"

[Amylian]

I love imitation of classical styles and forms (I do it a lot) and I really liked this piece. My only suggestion is that if you're going to write in rhyming couplets, I'd recommend keeping a fairly steady meter. In fact, technically, formally, this isn't an elegy as elegiac verse has an alternating meter of 6 and 5 beats - usually in iambs - like: "You died a time ago, and all your mem'ry shows / In life around me all time moves so slow"

This is exactly what my professor has told me today in class. Sometimes it can be so hard to control your choice of words as if they are forcebly controling you instead. This is a weakness, which I must get rid of.

I am really greatful for your critique as I am now will be able to "decipher" the last line at least to an Iambic Pentameter...

[quasimodo1]

To Amylian: An elegant poem Amylian, it reminds me a little of Mahmoud Darwish's work. I especially liked.........Unenhanced episode of Insidious Plot, of a Money-Man who resents,
His sickle he scythed with, through the unfortunate villagers’ consents.
Now Rest In Peace my fellow men, my fellow women, my children,
Do live in Heaven, Do cry your lovers and Do share grief with you those flying wren, ...

[blazeofglory]

Very nicely spun of beautiful words.

[Amylian]

To Amylian: An elegant poem Amylian, it reminds me a little of Mahmoud Darwish's work. I especially liked.........Unenhanced episode of Insidious Plot, of a Money-Man who resents,
His sickle he scythed with, through the unfortunate villagers’ consents.
Now Rest In Peace my fellow men, my fellow women, my children,
Do live in Heaven, Do cry your lovers and Do share grief with you those flying wren, ...

I always admire Mahmood Darweesh for his struggle to found peace through poetry. I remember reading a book about his life, it is really impressive and I think a would-be poet should think of him as a raw model...

Regards,
Amylian AKA Ali Makki

[blazeofglory]

I too have a liking to this poem

I recall the moment I was in a village.