The Beast

[Amylian]

Hello there,
I've just finished up writing my very first REAL poem. I hope you like and appreciate it. Also if there is any grammatical error or anything you want to mention, please let me know.


"The Beast"

In marvel did I, utterly confined, journey,
Beautiful chains of green leaves; soft, calm waves of sand,
Fluttering mine tender heart, scuttling love within me;
Well-rested is the Beast, in a palace well-loved, dazzling, and grand.

Clad in velvet akin to a wild bear,
Save His wrinkled face, He had no hair.
Wretched, with perpetual lust and inhuman care,
Insanely He pared off many, and no one did He spare.

In marvel did I, utterly confined, journey,
Yellow Sky o’er mine head did reside,
And o’er the hill, burning was my bride,
Her Crystal Tears sealed the blaze, and she made a plea:

“Bring me back, defeat the foul beast,
Behind those Iron Bars I beseech you to look
At the sunlit ground, ye upon him, thou shalt feast,
Pick a rock, and throw at His sheltered nook.
Thou shalt be brave; thou shalt defeat Him,
Though shalt not let your hope grow dim.”

In marvel did I, utterly confined, journey,
No more could I hear the Hymns of Happiness,
No more could I see the gleaming wonder of mine joyful memory,
And no more could I feel mine thoughtfulness.

Dusk fell upon, and morning cried,
So the Beast madly feasted upon some and down he lied.
Depressed, I wondered mine self of a way out of this grimy cell and I glide
And carefully had I stolen the Key of Liberty to free my burning pride and bride.

In marvel did I, utterly unconfined, journey,
Between a dearth and obsolete houses,tattered,
And between elaborative, artistic palaces whom around were scattered,
Stopped I outside His massive nook as He, with a huge bite ate mine knee.

Said I, “Foul Beast, thou shalt hurt people no more,”
And His Vulture Eyes fixed upon me, He gave a shaking growl.
Snapped I, with one leg, courageously, “Abhor
Us, and we abhor you,” and thunderously did he scowl.
Hindered in madness, He stepped o’er me and the next line my son will write after,
“And so all had died, and so it began again, the Beast, from our lips, hath stolen laughter.”

Regards,
Ali Makki Aka Amylian

[billl]

UGH! Not the ending I wanted, tragedy! It's such a great job of evoking an old poetry style (reminded me of a translation of the Aeneid, at times), and that's a great bit you just repeat over and over AND I especially loved the straightforward words of the bride. It must've taken a lot of work, and it definitely came out well.

[Monamy]

I honestly second what Billl said, 'cept that I see a tragedy ending is more befitting than your heroic, stereotype story. Maybe the narrator did all the difference by being the courageous one to challenge that Beast, and the final two lines might suggest a more-planned struggle so humankind could win their laughs back. It really made me wonder and imagine how the rest of the story would turn out, and I must say, I like that kind of endings the most! If you think about it, it's not necessarily a tragedy ending, it could be an open ending because the narrator mentioned his son--which means the battle against the Beast just started ;)

Loved the poem, love it love it love it~♪

[breathtest]

It has a perfect archaic, ancient feel to it because of the diction, which makes it all the more engrossing, at least for me. It probably took you a long time and a lot of effort to write, and this really comes across.

I hope you are as happy with it as i am...

[Amylian]

UGH! Not the ending I wanted, tragedy! It's such a great job of evoking an old poetry style (reminded me of a translation of the Aeneid, at times), and that's a great bit you just repeat over and over AND I especially loved the straightforward words of the bride. It must've taken a lot of work, and it definitely came out well.

Yes! True! I tried to immitate William Blake and Wordsworth. One sometimes might think it easy , for instance, when Blake wrote: "I went to the Garden of Love" but when it comes to holding a pen (keyboard) in your hand, it proves to be the most difficult thing to do or one can imagine. I thank God. And you, too, for encouraging me by commenting. I hope to see more of your comments and criticism later.


Maybe the narrator did all the difference by being the courageous one to challenge that Beast, and the final two lines might suggest a more-planned struggle so humankind could win their laughs back.
The struggle goes on... :) :D


It has a perfect archaic, ancient feel to it because of the diction, which makes it all the more engrossing, at least for me. It probably took you a long time and a lot of effort to write, and this really comes across.

I hope you are as happy with it as i am...

Just like what Bill said above and I really thank you for this complement. As for the time, it just took me 3 days to complete it. How much did William Blake take to finish his poems by the way? lol