In Relation to Milton's 7th (Sonnet)

[MorpheusSandman]

You can read Milton's (for reference) here: http://www.dartmouth.edu/~milton/reading_room/sonnets/sonnet_7/index.shtml

In Relation to Milton's 7th

Our years are now the same, though ages ‘way;
The thief, once senseless breath, is now a gale
Whose sensibil’ty snuffs all sparks’ inhale
And sens’ble plans are cinders blown astray.
But lit, untamed, a pyre burns away
A budding patch to ash and no avail,
But slumb’ring mutters dark malaise in tales
And qui’tly waits the ember’s light of day.
Yet placid surface streams conceal the deep;
By halcyon wings adrift on stable seas
While ‘neath Promethius lurks in Triton’s mire
And waits for Notus’s venting tempest breeze.
In Zephyr’s evanescent spring I’ll sleep
‘Til winds blow rain to feed the seeds of fire.

[PoeticPassions]

This is... quite stunning. Had I not known better, I would have thought it was one of Milton's poems. :)

The last two lines are the best, in my opinion. Seeds of fire... wow.

[MorpheusSandman]

I very much tried to evoke Milton's language, so I'm glad you commented on that. Thanks very much. :)

[blank|verse]

Yeah, make it easy on yourself, why don't you? A Miltonic sonnet?!

It's an accomplished pastiche though, and a very good effort; it's always hard to get that many end-rhymes and make the poem work. I liked your use of the elements, and how water is introduced with the volta to quench the octave's fire (as it were!).

Being critical, I have to say I found the excess of abbreviations distracting, particularly the one in the first line. And some of the syntax is questionable. Eg:


Whose sensibil’ty snuffs all sparks’ inhale

Is 'inhale' being used as a noun here? No reason why you can't, of course, but I just found I was having to twist the meaning round a bit unnaturally. (Therefore, how can 'inhale' be 'snuffed'?)

And I think the main problem is I'm not really sure what you're trying to say. That time's now moving (relatively) quicker ('is now a gale') than in Milton's time? But that you're lurking, Prometheus-like, and waiting for your life to be set alight?

Still, it's a great achievement and very enjoyable to read. And if you can receive BBC television in 'The Heart of the Dreaming', you may like to know there is a programme on Paradise Lost tonight.

[MorpheusSandman]

Yeah, make it easy on yourself, why don't you? A Miltonic sonnet?!:D Sometimes I'm too ambitious for my (rather meager, IMO) skills.


I liked your use of the elements, and how water is introduced with the volta to quench the octave's fire (as it were!).Thanks for noticing! I actually tried to use the four elements as metaphor for the theme.


Being critical, I have to say I found the excess of abbreviations distracting, particularly the one in the first line.I appreciate criticism. I was actually concerned with all the elision; Milton used them a lot and almost always to interesting effects. My usage is mostly metrical. Interestingly, the first line was the only one that didn't bother me because while it (I hope, obviously) means "ages (a)way" it also suggests "ages' way", as in, 'the ages are connecting us". I might rewrite this to do away with the "sense, sensible, sensibility" theme and the possibly distracting elision.


And some of the syntax is questionable. Eg:

Is 'inhale' being used as a noun here? No reason why you can't, of course, but I just found I was having to twist the meaning round a bit unnaturally. (Therefore, how can 'inhale' be 'snuffed'?)Yep; inhale is the noun. That's a particularly twisty line, I know. I meant it to have two meanings depending on the definition of 'snuff' which can either mean 'inhale' or 'put out'. Sparks/fire need oxygen to stay alight, so the sensibility of the thief/time is, in the latter sense, "suffocating" the inhale of the spark (too much wind will put out a fire), causing it to die out, and causing the speaker to 'breathe' and waste time.


I'm not really sure what you're trying to say. That time's now moving (relatively) quicker ('is now a gale') than in Milton's time? But that you're lurking, Prometheus-like, and waiting for your life to be set alight?Very close. Read it with this metaphor in mind: Wind is time, fire is creativity, earth (budding patch/seeds) is the self, and water is life. The crux of it is expressing how everything must come together to produce the results you want (in this case, great creativity) and how too much or not the right kind of one 'element' can destroy another.


Still, it's a great achievement and very enjoyable to read. And if you can receive BBC television in 'The Heart of the Dreaming', you may like to know there is a programme on Paradise Lost tonight.Sadly, I don't get the BBC. If the program makes it to the internet, please make sure to let me know.

[qimissung]

It's good to give oneself a challenge, and this is one I think you met well. I had to read it several times, but it wasn't until I read your explanation that I began to understand it.

Really, you did an excellent job of 'eoking Milton's language," and style.

[MorpheusSandman]

Thanks very much qimissung. :)

[blazeofglory]

You can read Milton's (for reference) here: http://www.dartmouth.edu/~milton/reading_room/sonnets/sonnet_7/index.shtml

In Relation to Milton's 7th

Our years are now the same, though ages ‘way;
The thief, once senseless breath, is now a gale
Whose sensibil’ty snuffs all sparks’ inhale
And sens’ble plans are cinders blown astray.
But lit, untamed, a pyre burns away
A budding patch to ash and no avail,
But slumb’ring mutters dark malaise in tales
And qui’tly waits the ember’s light of day.
Yet placid surface streams conceal the deep;
By halcyon wings adrift on stable seas
While ‘neath Promethius lurks in Triton’s mire
And waits for Notus’s venting tempest breeze.
In Zephyr’s evanescent spring I’ll sleep
‘Til winds blow rain to feed the seeds of fire.

Really arresting!