A sham

[Helga]

My life is a sham
And I know it
I fill my life
With little things
And people I don’t like
I tell the world I’m happy
I tell the world
Not to worry about me
Someday it will change
I’ll be happy one day
But nothing will change
I’m always the same
Ugly person
I’m trapped in a life
That I have no long for
I’m stuck with I mind
I don’t even like
My heart has potential
But my mind has no strenght
There’s no courage left in my bones
I don’t want to die
I don’t want to live
I don’t want to think of how bad I feel

My life is a sham and it’s all my fault.
My life is a sham and I know it.

[PrinceMyshkin]

My life is a sham
And I know it
I fill my life
With little things
And people I don’t like
I tell the world I’m happy
I tell the world
Not to worry about me
Someday it will change
I’ll be happy one day
But nothing will change
I’m always the same
Ugly person
I’m trapped in a life
That I have no long for
I’m stuck with I mind
I don’t even like
My heart has potential
But my mind has no strenght
There’s no courage left in my bones
I don’t want to die
I don’t want to live
I don’t want to think of how bad I feel

My life is a sham and it’s all my fault.
My life is a sham and I know it.

This is a very brave poem but I'm hoping it's just the product of a low point in your life of the kind we all, surely, have from time to time. We all feel like shams at times. We all long to tell someone the whole "ugly" truth about ourselves. We all feel, as in that great black song:


I’m Going to Tell God all my Troubles
When I get there. (repeat)

I’m Going to Tell Him I had hard trials
When I get there. (repeat)

I’m Going to Tell Him the road was rocky
When I get there. (repeat)

I’m Going to Tell God all my Troubles
When I get there. (repeat)


But hold on, please. Hopefully there will be others here who will tell you, as I am doing, that you are a person of worth!

And write to me, please, if you think I might be a friend.

Jerry

[tailor STATELY]

A poem of darkness I can relate to all too well from my past;
chronicled in my own poetry... Sometimes even driving it.

If I might presume perhaps:

"I’m trapped in a life
That I have no longing for
I’m stuck with a mind
I don’t even like"

and

"But my mind has no strength"


There's always hope... a concept not limited to

faith, where I find it; even heralded in the

classic Greek story of Pandora's Box (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pandora's_box), and elsewhere.



Best wishes, keep up your writing, and remember:

In cyberspace, one can hear you scream.

:tailor STATELY

[billl]

Hi Helga!

You're young... I could type a bit about all the stuff you don't realize yet, how so much will change, etc., but it'd be a waste of time, of course, nobody young will ever really believe all of that. ;-)

That's a great poem, though, it's obvious you are thoughtful, full of feelings, and creative. No criticisms or corrections, except the typos that tailor pointed out. That's a pretty blue poem, though, I wonder how many happy ones you do... If it hasn't been many lately, here's my suggestion:

Think of something good or beautiful that you've noticed. Like if a flower just bloomed outside your home, by the street or something (cliché, I know). Or maybe you see a little kid helping another little kid who got hurt. Or some guy working the register at the convenience store is just talking a mile-a-minute, making everybody in the line crack up laughing.

If you can write a poem about something like that, it would be very impressive--it is VERY hard to do 'happy' art well. Hard to make it interesting, and not overly melodramatic. But I think it'd be an interesting challenge, would be a rare joy for others to read, and might make you a bit happier, too.

Then--or maybe a couple poems later--another sad one, to help us find beauty in that, and keep things honest.

[Helga]

I may be young but I have a son and house and everything that goes with that, my poems are usually rather dark but that is mainly because the feelings I need to let out and put on paper are the dark ones. I wrote this poem because I know that if I want to keep the good things I have like only working part time so I can both finish school and care for my son and keep my 2 dogs I need to make one sacrifice and that makes me rather sad.

I just let that out in my poems and that makes me feel just a little bit better... you'll see when I put some more out there later or if you have read the old ones

but thanks for your reply and concern

[Nightshade]

Hi helga!
So you had a son then, last time I really spoke to you I think you were pregnant? :confused:
anyway I love this bit

Someday it will change
I’ll be happy one day
But nothing will change

Dont know why I just do ! :nod:

[blank|verse]

Yeah, it's melancholy and quietly poignant without being too self-pitying. It seems the perfect poetic accompaniment to your profile portrait. I think the short lines somehow reflect the low self-esteem being expressed, like you don't want to trouble people too much by reading longer lines. It reminds me of Sylvia Plath, who I would recommend you read if you've not done so already.

And if I can add my own two-penneth of pop-psychology - you're only a sham if you allow yourself to be one.