I desire to love again, but i m stuck .....

[restore]

I just wake up today why i cant involve with any men. There r good brothers from church who want a relationship with me. But it seems i m keeping seeking more spiritual more spiritual guys.....then i suddenly realize i m seeking a male idol.
I was abused sexually badly and voilenced as a kid and teen, i think deep down I can't trust or really get close to anyone. I can email with them and talk deep things, but when they want a real relationship, I just can't. My heart is so weird and frozen.
Jesus is love and forgiving. I think i have forgiven those people too. I really dont hate them and i have a lot compassion towards a lot people. I m told to be a loving kind person, and i love all my brothers.
But i just can't really love a man as a soulmate and get deep connection.
And I dont want to have a family.
I need help............

[librarius_qui]

(Difficult to believe you'll find it in a literature forum. I'd recommend an analyst/therapist, honestly.)

[backline]

Sounds like some inner healing needs to take place.
There should be no stigma to therapy (if you can afford it).

Some churches offer some forms of counseling, but I think there 12 step recovery programs that might be safer. In your specific situation I'd recommend a group setting over free amatuer church counseling.

[restore]

I know it is weird that i find a literature forum to post....
I like Dickens book and literature has been such a healing that is why here i m....
I know i need therapists and counseling too deeply and badly, yet if u ever knew where i m living, this country and this place, u will realize that is impossible to find those things....
That is why i find internet , this is the only window to breathe in air.

Thanks.......

[billl]

i almost typed up some supportive words, restore, and I am fairly certain that many others wanted to do the same. i didn't, though, because i would never want to pretend i had some great wisdom for you--you have probably become quite strong in many ways, and any advice i could try to give would be really uninformed. it just seemed too difficult to try.

but i know what you mean about how literature can be a big help in healing. (music, too, for me). please spend some time discussing books and things here, and maybe you'll make some more good friends, feel less alone, and keep getting stronger.
:)

[Bark]

Restore,

Forget the past. Evaluate every new relationship on its own merits. Don't impose the actions of another on a new acquaintance. Look for someone with beautiful eyes. Good luck girly.

[tailor STATELY]

I need help............

As a Christian I would offer a talk by an authority in my church that may help...
Healing the Tragic Scars of Abuse (http://www.lds.org/ldsorg/v/index.jsp?vgnextoid=2354fccf2b7db010VgnVCM1000004d 82620aRCRD&locale=0&sourceId=844194bf3938b010VgnVCM1000004d82620a____)

I pray this helps,

tailor STATELY

[Buh4Bee]

Forgiveness is a difficult thing to do. You may actually like reading The Shack by WM. Paul Young. It is a Christian book that explores our relationship with God in the face of atrocity. Forgiveness is one of the major themes covered in the book, among many others. Sexual abuse is not, but child abuse is.

Please try to take a step in taking care of yourself, even if it is just posting on the forum.