RGK
05-22-2009, 03:35 PM
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ALTERNATE MOON LANDING
"That's one small step for man, one giant leap for-OH MY GOD HOUSTON!, A HORRIBLE SPACE MONSTER, IT'S GOT BUZZ ALDERIN, MY GOD HOUSTON IT'S EATING HIS FACE!! THIS IS AWFUL!"
MORTIMER
Jack was initially shocked when his Labrador named Mortimer said good afternoon to him one Sunday in July. Over the coming weeks Mortimer would say more and more, they would discuss everthing from politics to the latest movie. Mortimer would read the paper, answer the phone when Jack wasn't home, and even cook him dinner. The two became the best of friends until one evening as the two best friends were at the dinner table Mortimer put his fork down, took a deep breath and looked across the table at Jack.
"Jack, do you mind if I hump your leg later?"
"Yeah I mind." said Jack.
"Of course of course I completely understand, just thought I'd ask." said Mortimer.
It was an incident that would damge there relationship forever.
THE FUNERAL
Father O Hara cleared his throat and began his Eulogy.
"Family, friends, we are here day to remember Benjamin Louis Wilde- my Lord!" said Father O Hara looking into the casket, "he's alive!"
A collective gasp filled the Church.
"Wait. No he isn't. Sorry. He just looks so life-like with the make up and new suit. Sorry everybody, Mrs Wilde."
AN AD FOR ME COLA
Had a hard day at the office? That new secretary in the short skirt turn you down again? Now you're stuck in traffic thinking I should have my own lane and my own planet. All that's waiting at home is your wife that used to be hot and a screaming little accident, an overcooked steak and a television that isn't as big as you wanted. Sounds like you need a little you time, sounds like you need ME COLA, the Cola for you. Now with 25% more you!
HEADLINES
MASS FIGHT BREAKS OUT AT LOCAL SCHOOL FOR THE BLIND. FORTUNATELY NO PUNCHES WERE LANDED
PEE SEAT
Girls like to complain when guys pee on the toilet seat, how can you miss they say, but what would you know lady, maybe it isn't as easy as it looks!
ALTERNATE MOON LANDING
"That's one small step for man, one giant leap for-OH MY GOD HOUSTON!, A HORRIBLE SPACE MONSTER, IT'S GOT BUZZ ALDERIN, MY GOD HOUSTON IT'S EATING HIS FACE!! THIS IS AWFUL!"
MORTIMER
Jack was initially shocked when his Labrador named Mortimer said good afternoon to him one Sunday in July. Over the coming weeks Mortimer would say more and more, they would discuss everthing from politics to the latest movie. Mortimer would read the paper, answer the phone when Jack wasn't home, and even cook him dinner. The two became the best of friends until one evening as the two best friends were at the dinner table Mortimer put his fork down, took a deep breath and looked across the table at Jack.
"Jack, do you mind if I hump your leg later?"
"Yeah I mind." said Jack.
"Of course of course I completely understand, just thought I'd ask." said Mortimer.
It was an incident that would damge there relationship forever.
THE FUNERAL
Father O Hara cleared his throat and began his Eulogy.
"Family, friends, we are here day to remember Benjamin Louis Wilde- my Lord!" said Father O Hara looking into the casket, "he's alive!"
A collective gasp filled the Church.
"Wait. No he isn't. Sorry. He just looks so life-like with the make up and new suit. Sorry everybody, Mrs Wilde."
AN AD FOR ME COLA
Had a hard day at the office? That new secretary in the short skirt turn you down again? Now you're stuck in traffic thinking I should have my own lane and my own planet. All that's waiting at home is your wife that used to be hot and a screaming little accident, an overcooked steak and a television that isn't as big as you wanted. Sounds like you need a little you time, sounds like you need ME COLA, the Cola for you. Now with 25% more you!
HEADLINES
MASS FIGHT BREAKS OUT AT LOCAL SCHOOL FOR THE BLIND. FORTUNATELY NO PUNCHES WERE LANDED
PEE SEAT
Girls like to complain when guys pee on the toilet seat, how can you miss they say, but what would you know lady, maybe it isn't as easy as it looks!