Carpet Grazing

[MissTwain]

Carpet Grazing

Her hair was like broken-bones of rose bushes:
Chaos without disarray.
Her cheeks,
maddeningly tinged by the scores of marching wind, and me,
longing to be outdoors.

She kept a diary of proposed secrets,
undaunted by the sneers of torn photographs
of the beautiful men she never expected to meet.
I watched her bounce as if treading on soap bubbles,
I, a poetic tyrant,
and she a lonely warrior.

The rivers carrying my adventures were painted by numbers,
and hers were deep and discreet.

I would condescend to wade into her reverie,
but, instead, yielded to plainer girls.
Those happier at the first sign of carpet dreams,
which are easy to clean, but absorb things unseen
and it was simpler this way.

So, I,
finding a road built with highway signs,
but no exits,
departed without closure.
And she,
finding a wind that carried her feet to softer climates,
left without me.

[PrinceMyshkin]

Carpet Grazing

Her hair was like broken-bones of rose bushes:
Chaos without disarray.
Her cheeks,
maddeningly tinged by the scores of marching wind, and me,
longing to be outdoors.

She kept a diary of proposed secrets,
undaunted by the sneers of torn photographs
of the beautiful men she never expected to meet.
I watched her bounce as if treading on soap bubbles,
I, a poetic tyrant,
and she a lonely warrior.

The rivers carrying my adventures were painted by numbers,
and hers were deep and discreet.

I would condescend to wade into her reverie,
but, instead, yielded to plainer girls.
Those happier at the first sign of carpet dreams,
which are easy to clean, but absorb things unseen
and it was simpler this way.

So, I,
finding a road built with highway signs,
but no exits,
departed without closure.
And she,
finding a wind that carried her feet to softer climates,
left without me.

Oh my God! I was prepared to cite lines that especially appealed to me, such as the first two lines - which immediately hooked me - and then it was the whole of the first stanza and then - oh what the hell! The obvious solution was to quote the whole thing, which has such an integrity it would feel like butchery to take any particular lines out of it.

You have an unmistakeable voice, you know, though it reminds me a little of the work of "paperleaves" or "A_Little_wisp," each of which you might search for here. If you don't know how to find them, use the "Members List" icon up above. And way, way, way to go!!!

[Sapphire]

Amazing.
Thank you very much for sharing! I really enjoyed reading this.
Sapphire

[blank|verse]

Have you read 'Warming her Pearls' by the current British Poet Laureate Carol Ann Duffy? Your poem has a very similar feel to that, of expressing love and longing towards another woman. I don't know how far your friendship extends in this case, but there were definitely some homo-erotic overtones to this; not more so than in the title, 'Carpet Grazing', which comes very close to a crude British euphemism for lesbianism.

Overall though, I enjoyed reading this. I felt the 'and me' at the end of line 4 deserved its own line. A few things I wasn't sure about: the (oxymoronic) phrase 'poetic tyrant'; 'chaos without disarray' cancels itself out for me; and when you 'condescend' to her reverie, that struck me as something she would have done to you, not vice versa, as you seem so in awe of her.

Nice work though, keep writing.