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View Full Version : Assassination of a hero



breathtest
05-21-2009, 05:19 AM
Pools of thick blood gather around your feet
placed in angular precision
on the drowsy tarmac
in summer

A deep metal finds its way through your skin
your blood your bones your muscle
and ends mercilessly thick and satisfied

Your death was sudden but whole, complete
legendary in its own right
no reason to complain
if i was to die
it would be this way

breathtest
05-21-2009, 05:24 AM
You must forgive me
I will be dead by twenty-seven
I will be stoned
I will be intoxicated
I will be erect
I will be lonely
I will be scared
I will be angry
I will be suffocating
I will be drowning
I will be plotting my escape

Not sure about this one, it is a bit experimental, but please comment i would love to hear what you think

PrinceMyshkin
05-21-2009, 09:51 AM
It certainly builds in a compelling somewhat horrifying way but... it flirts with self-pity inasmuch as there's no hint of what it is you want to escape from - life? But there's no way to infer what "life" means to you.