Brian the Conkerer

[Delta40]

Bits of string to the wood
where the conkers be
There you might find
Ye old chestnut tree

A small foot in the crook
lifts a boyish body high
Yucky grimy knees
scraped on every side

So go forth young Brian
wrap your hand around
the fattest horse chestnuts
to ever be found

Pluck from its bough
choicest of the wise
stow within your breast
Find you the biggest prize!

Oh Conkerer see others
scrabble at your feet
shake, shake the tree!
let them grab the prickly treats!

leap back down to the earth
and colour autumn best
with the ancient song of herald
throughout the golden forest

'Oddly oddly onker!
Brian has done thee proud
I have my first conker!
begone you beggarly crowd'

[AuntShecky]

I thought that "conker" was a deliberate misspelling of "conquerer," but after looking it up I discovered that it meant "horse chestnut." Even so, there is word play involving a three-level pun:
"conquer," "conker," and "conk" the verb meaning to knock or a blow to the head.

Not only that, along with evoking the imaginative flights of childhood, the style parodies the elevated
language of medieval and Renaissance epics about
knight errants.

This is extremely well done!

[Niamh]

This took me back to being a kid! we looked forward to conker season every year so we could battle it out to be the conker champion. Thank you for the nostalgia! :thumbs_up

[Delta40]

Conkers were a common schoolyard pastime when I was a child in England. My father boasted he was champion of our village!

[Niamh]

It was always the beginning of the school year, and we'd battle it out. people had techniques for hardening them. Nail varnish was used, but too much made them soft.

[Delta40]

I heard if you kept one for an entire year it hardened over time but that is considered cheating. You should google the world championships which are held in Northamptonshire every year!

[Niamh]

really? didnt know there was a world championship!

[Delta40]

http://www.worldconkerchampionships.com/

Oh yes. It has gone beyond the schoolyard railings....

[Niamh]

That is really really cool! :D (yes i'm easily amused!)

[~Sophia~]

Hi Delta

I too had to look up the word conker (and the game). When I was a kid we didn't do that with chestnuts but we did bore holes through them and string necklaces... big heavy necklaces lol. Lots of entendre and Nicely done!