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View Full Version : I fell in love with a red-haired man.



MissTwain
05-19-2009, 03:27 PM
I fell in love with a red-haired man.

He told me his freckles were pieces of stars burnt in his flesh.
And I wanted to believe him.
I told him my love was like a scar on my fingertip that burns when exposed.
And he wanted to believe me.
We stayed outside to watch the trees on fire
He thought it was a waste of good shade
I thought it was his head.
I crashed his car into the lake,
He sat there puffy eyed and laughed while we drowned in 3 feet of water.
And I wanted to believe him.

So instead I fell in love with a brown-haired man.

And he sang.
And in awe of his pale face and freckle-less broad shoulders, I
Wanted to believe him.
And he played the fool, and I laughed with him and cried with him
And wanted to believe in him.
I wanted to follow the grass stains his feet make on the stage floor.
I wanted to reach out and kiss his face with my fingers,
But he stayed onstage while I sat dismal in a corner.
And he played the piano until the keys pierced me like bullets.
And I wanted to believe them.

qimissung
05-19-2009, 09:17 PM
Oh, I love this! The way we hope and idealize, and mourn what never was.

MissTwain
05-20-2009, 12:11 AM
Thanks! I think this was the first poem where I started to really focus on a style I loved :D

firefangled
05-20-2009, 05:39 AM
Very imaginative. I liked the images you used.

Virgil
05-20-2009, 06:52 AM
MissTwain, welcome to lit net. I hope you make this a home for your poetry. This poem is marvelous. I love the rhythm of the phrasings. Many times repetition gets old but here it doesn't, and I suspect it has to to do with the originality of the metaphors and similies. Very nice. I will look forward to more of your work. :)

ampoule
05-20-2009, 08:42 AM
This is wonderful, MissTwain. I look forward to more from you also.

I am also intrigued by your name for it is at this time of year in Calaveras County that the famous jumping frog contest goes on in my beloved California. Any connection to THAT Twain?

MissTwain
05-20-2009, 01:45 PM
Thank you all for the kind welcomes and responses and I would love to post more of my work... and if you have critical suggestions I'd love to hear those too!

The only connection I have to Twain is of course master Samuel Clemens, I have never been to California but please do tell, it sounds interesting :D

optimisticnad
05-21-2009, 10:22 AM
I loved reading this! It sounded like a wishful song.

Post some more!

Haunted
05-21-2009, 10:46 AM
Miss Twain, thanks for sharing that. It's like a country song. I see the open-endedness to it, it can go on and on, a green haired man next, a bald headed eagle...see how my own imagination takes off with it. It's a talented piece, it speaks to the endless possibilites in your writing :)

PrinceMyshkin
05-21-2009, 12:21 PM
Everyone before me has said all I'd have liked to say. My I add only that I loved the unforced quality of this, the naturalness of it and yes, of course, you must write and post more!

MissTwain
05-21-2009, 04:51 PM
Well I'm certainly very excited that all of you liked this poem and I will definitely post another immediately. And please refer me to pages where your poetry is written as well if there is some :D

PrinceMyshkin
05-21-2009, 05:07 PM
Well I'm certainly very excited that all of you liked this poem and I will definitely post another immediately. And please refer me to pages where your poetry is written as well if there is some :D

Me, I'm all over the place, but here are several I'm proud of:

http://www.online-literature.com/forums/showthread.php?t=42624
http://www.online-literature.com/forums/showthread.php?t=32797
http://www.online-literature.com/forums/showthread.php?t=43451