Wandering

[jikan myshkin]

wandering

I saw a child smiling in the street
And I wondered for whom she was smiling for
I saw an old lady shuffling her feet
And I wondered to which tune she was dancing
I saw an angel playing a lyre and wondered
For whom she sung so sweetly
I saw a middle aged man in a suit,
His arm around his protégé
And I wondered for what they were plotting
I saw a car hurry past, ignoring all around
And I wondered what was so important
I heard a lady on the phone
And wondered to whom she was speaking
I saw a person I used to know
And wondered why they still tried to bother me
I saw a postman with his sack
And wondered if it was good news or bad
I saw a lady in the library
And wondered why she thought I was stealing
I saw a guard in the shop
And wondered why I was being followed
I heard a thought in my mind
And followed it to see where it would lead
But it died of loneliness
All these things I wondered while I was wandering
Wondering to where I was going

[Sapphire]

First of, I really like the idea of this poem - wandering in the street, wondering about the people around you and their relation to yourself and the world around them. I especially like the last 5 lines.

You might want to try to divide it into verses - I think it would help to keep into the flow of it all. That might be just me though, I am not used to read "long" poems. I would personally divide it on "form", though I think this is still quite flawed. To be honest, I do not really know how to divide it...

I saw a child smiling in the street
And I wondered for whom she was smiling for
I saw an old lady shuffling her feet
And I wondered to which tune she was dancing
I saw an angel playing a lyre and wondered
For whom she sung so sweetly
I saw a middle aged man in a suit,
His arm around his protégé
And I wondered for what they were plotting

I saw a car hurry past, ignoring all around
And I wondered what was so important
I heard a lady on the phone
And wondered to whom she was speaking
I saw a person I used to know
And wondered why they still tried to bother me
I saw a postman with his sack
And wondered if it was good news or bad
I saw a lady in the library
And wondered why she thought I was stealing
I saw a guard in the shop
And wondered why I was being followed
I heard a thought in my mind
And followed it to see where it would lead
But it died of loneliness

All these things I wondered while I was wandering
Wondering to where I was going

That does not really make it any better, does it? I was just reading your poem and wondering about where to put the spaces :) Obviously, I myself do not have a clue.

Maybe you should delete a "for" from the second sentence.