Something Missing

[caddy_caddy]

How to begin or how to end : what is the most difficult?
Every time I say let's have a new beginning ; it is a matter of fact ; we should accept " the end " ; the full stop is a part of the sentence; it is a part of its nature , of its meaning. I should accept the full stop.I am aware of it; I can forsee it ; but still I am not able to face it: I am just running .

It is a matter of faaaaaaaaact . I keep saying that and repeat it again and again : Each beginning has an end ;I am reasonable enough to know that; why then can't I face it? Why am I that weak?! Why am I suffering if I am really convinced of it???

There is no need to suffer ; it is behind now; it is not within the reach of my hand and it won't be.It is so far, far beyond my limitations. Why then still looking? Why dreaming? Why stucking there? It is behind now.I am aware of it and can't change it.

It is a matter of fact; I am " STUCK " there; behind,looking for something, something missing;something that swallows me :I am willingly giving it my self, my life , my future. But what if that very thing is everything? How to create a subsitute for it , an equivalent,and a new meaning?

I know it is there ; I can tell ; it defines me but I can't define it; it shapes me but I can't describe it; it freezes me in a point there ;something so deep , unfathomable; I can tell ; it is there : in my every night nightmares , in my reveries, in my dreams, in my imagination, in my fancy, in my mirror, in my cup of coffee, in my bread, in my blood, in my breath,........
It is there ,anywhere and everywhere,I can tell.
Faaaaaaaacts why suffering?! Faaaaaaacts why running?!Faaaaaaacts why stucking?!

[beroq]

Nice monologue which could have been a little clearer for many readers including me might easily shy away from too much obliqueness.

[Veva]

I would say that there is something missing in your life, not in your writing...

[billl]

i'd say it's just a 'fact' that some things come to an end. i don't think that's so bad. you are right to keep going (running?) if any particular end seems like the end of everything. keep going then, until you figure out how whatever ended (or is to end) wasn't (or won't be) the whole story. and keep going until you're sure that it really DID end, if you think there's something fishy going on :-) plenty of scams rely on people giving in to illusionary 'conclusions'.

if you can initiate a new beginning, then the fact that some things end helps to keep things manageable, maybe. clears the slate, removes restrictions, distractions, etc. it seems ok to me, at any rate. but i think it's worth mentioning that new beginnings can be forced on us, too (e.g. kidnappings, floods...)--and that's not always so good, and perhaps reason for rebellion--it's a whole different discussion.

[billl]

wait, i just re-read the original post (for a third time, total)--did you just lose something you love? then keep some faith (it doesn't have to be capital-letter-F, Faith...) that the world will bring a new beginning to you. keep your eyes open for it.

and sorry for all that intellectual-toned stuff above.

[caddy_caddy]

Nice monologue which could have been a little clearer for many readers including me might easily shy away from too much obliqueness.
You are absolutely right beroq : too much obliqueness
but do you know why?

[caddy_caddy]

I would say that there is something missing in your life, not in your writing...
Yes,life itself is based on that very thing ; it keeps us moving to get it thus the continuity of life.

"where madness is just the lack of pragmatism";)

[V.Jayalakshmi]

Dear Caddy Caddy,
I think you are writing about an emotion without revealing too much.It used to be said as a sort of a joke plus common sense by our comrades/ elders that one should not regret too much about two things missed.A bus and a girl/boy.The next one will be coming along soon.

[caddy_caddy]

think you are writing about an emotion without revealing too much.It used to be said as a sort of a joke plus common sense by our comrades/ elders that one should not regret too much about two things missed.A bus and a girl/boy.The next one will be coming along soon
hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
yeh common sense ,but what about the destination and tickets prices:p?

[caddy_caddy]

No need to be sorry BIlll.
Your words are enlightening and I have been thinking of them. I don't know why we jump to these illusionary conclusions as u said. Maybe because of our past experiences. Sometimes I feel they become our destiny. They shape and determine everything.
In what concerns the faith ; it seems that it is in the wrong direction.Till now it brings me disasters, nothing else.
Unfortunately I look but I don't see.
Thx a lot for your kindness.

[caddy_caddy]

One picture, one puzzle;
many shapes, many blocks, one color.
One rainbow,one shadow;
many faces, many riddles, one solution.
One color, one solution;
many victims, many deaths,one end.
One end , one life;
many trees , many graves, one maze.
One maze, one word;
many worlds, many roads,one being...