The pen of Monamy

[Monamy]

I wrote this poem not too long ago, I was kinda feeling distressed out because of... issues, at work. I'm not really the angry kinda guy, but sometimes things strike me on my weak spots.

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Oblivion

I was lying on the grass, listening to the sound of the breeze
Both eyes closed, thoughts all blank, putting my mind at ease

tried as I may, with all my might, to empty my stupid brain
c'mon c'mon, forget it all. Forget this so-called Bahrain
The green streets, the cheerful people, the soft sound of the rain
The pure sky, the clean air, and the colorful flower plain
For none of all this remain
None shall be seen again

Not just Bahrain, forget the world, this so-called planet Earth
These many countries, different people, all but just a myth
The mountains, forests, rivers, everything could be a disguised Seth
Forget it all, for the world you once knew disappeared in one breath
Nothing remains but ashes and filth
What once was Baal is now Ashtoreth

Not only the joyful stuff, the sad and painful altogether
pain, hatred, suffering, love, all will die and wither
forget those bombs of Oblivion that made everyone falter
The sound of hell those savages cast on every single corner
All gone but one spot on the border
An irony that clearly won't live forever

On that very spot, I lay down... listening to the sound of the breeze
Alone, the survivor of Armageddon... awaiting the day I would freeze

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Damn, I need to get better in this. English poetry is kinda different than Arabic--I'm having some difficulties in verses. :DCRITICZZZ, LOAD YOUR GUNZ AND FIRE AWAYZ AT MEZ!:D

[zanna]

Monamy, I really liked this! Your rhymes are good! I liked breeze/ease, because you might not think of them at first, but it totally works. =)

The idea of Armageddon, and Oblivion, as you write about it, is intriguing -- going to the one nice spot that's left . . . it's sad to think that love will die and wither, along with everything else. =/

Kudos on the cool poem. =)

[billl]

hey, yeah, good!

[Monamy]

Hehe, thank you both! Rhyming in English seems easier than Arabic, maintaining a steady verse however is kinda harder. To think that I wrote this when I was disturbed by life, lol xD

[qimissung]

I like it, too. I like how you move from Bahrain to the earth; I especially like these lines "...all gone but one spot on the border, an irony that clearly won't live forever."

[PrinceMyshkin]

I thought I had commented on this but I don't see my comment. In any case I said I did like it, the depth and passion and most particularly the intriguing mystery of:


All gone but one spot on the border
An irony that clearly won't live forever

[Monamy]

Qimissung and PrinceMyshkin, I'm glad you both like it. I wanted to start from friends/enemies to Bahrain, then to Earth, but I thought it would be a little dull so I skipped the friends/enemies part. I'm just happy that this one was average at the very least :D

As for those two lines, I honestly didn't intend anything as I wrote them, but Mr. Colin, my university professor, marveled at them too. He said: "It's as if there's a hidden message in there, and a hint of humanity's extinct on its own hand. Even 'Alone, the survivor of Armageddon' seems to suggest that the narrator is the last man standing."

He also continued commenting about the spot, saying that the spot the narrator was in symbolizes the Hope and Will to survive, but the narrator have ditched both. (I really loved his comments, even though I didn't plan this beforehand his comments seem to perfectly fit in the poem!)

[Amylian]

Oh, so Mr. Colin is your professor, too. Well, I, too, am studying American History with him this course. But I didn't know he proofreads. I might hand him some of my poems,too.

It is really a powerful message you're conveying here and from my perspective as a Bahraini, I think that sometimes, "underlying beneath the delicate words a very vicious world."


tried as I may, with all my might, to empty my stupid brain
c'mon c'mon, forget it all. Forget this so-called Bahrain
The green streets, the cheerful people, the soft sound of the rain
The pure sky, the clean air, and the colorful flower plain
For none of all this remain
None shall be seen again

For example, in Bahrain, it is simply impossible to find streets with green trees, save of course for the cheerful people. The same goes for the rain and the "flower plain" and the "pure sky" and the rest.

In the end, it is said Bahrain is the land of immortality, but, being said so, immortality has been stolen..lol

This is great man...

[PrinceMyshkin]

As for those two lines, I honestly didn't intend anything as I wrote them, but Mr. Colin, my university professor, marveled at them too. He said: "It's as if there's a hidden message in there, and a hint of humanity's extinct on its own hand. Even 'Alone, the survivor of Armageddon' seems to suggest that the narrator is the last man standing."

He also continued commenting about the spot, saying that the spot the narrator was in symbolizes the Hope and Will to survive, but the narrator have ditched both. (I really loved his comments, even though I didn't plan this beforehand his comments seem to perfectly fit in the poem!)

It has at times caught me by surprise when people read something in one of my poems I didn't consciously put there. I stress "consciously" because it has been my experience that many of my poems are a collaboration between my conscious, intentional self - and my subconscious. Sometimes that embarasses me a little, as if I'm getting credit (or blame) for something "I" didn't do, but in keeping with the motif of your poem, how can we discern the line of demarcation between our conscious and un- or sub-conscious selves?

[Monamy]

Amylian, I just knew you were someone I met in university, can't really say for sure though :D Yes! I intended bringing up things that are actually 'not' in Bahrain (I would have said 'wow you're sharp' but you live in Bahrain and so you knew... so no cookies for you! lol)

Actually, this was a long time ago. Not sure if Mr. Colin would still keep it a habit to proofread things. After I graduated, I sadly lost his email, and I hope I get the chance to visit the university someday and see if he doesn't mind continuing to proofread my stuff... though I think I'll just make do with my relatives for awhile--all those writings in red put makes me appear so small :p

PrinceMyshkin, it happens a lot to me too, I guess every writer goes through these things. I don't really think there's a way to separate between the two because, when I write, they both become my motives to actually 'write' something. Sometimes, the way you think is affected by your subconscious self, although it's your conscious that's holding the pen and writing. ;)