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Dark Muse
05-04-2009, 02:28 PM
Requiem of the Past

Remember those days
of laughter & carefree games,
when the word alone
was not in our vocabulary.

At night gathered around
warm fires, sharing stories,
half-hearted protests
while being dragged to bed
too tired to raise our heads.

Then every room was
filled with more than
dust or memories,
light filtering through
now dirtied windows.

A gentle sigh stirs
through the hallways,
recalling when they used
to be caverns winding
into caves.

It meant something once,
to belong; photographs freezing
time; it is possible that was
me smiling upon the beach?

Now looking back in the mirror
I see not that girl greeting me,
but a stranger who snuck up
without warning.

Gone are the days
of drinking hot coco
with white cream upon my nose,
oblivious to the meaning of fear.

Now it seems it was
all a dream; that time
when we sat around
just playing our games.

Silas Thorne
05-04-2009, 08:46 PM
Excellent writing! I really felt your loss in this poem.
Everything is still there, inside you, though as time stretches on we may sometimes cease to pay attention, or wonder why a feeling of deja vu comes across us when we enter a playground we may once have been.
The memories are part of you, I feel, and you should be able to return to that part of you too, when you wish to. Nothing is so completely covered by the present. That's just my thoughts on this anyway.
I think you made a few small typos here though: 'cravens' - do you mean 'caverns' ? and 'used to', not 'use to'.
:)

Dark Muse
05-05-2009, 01:05 AM
Thank you very much for your coments.

Hehe, I will go fix those.

Lokasenna
05-05-2009, 03:28 AM
Genuinely beautiful...

I found the imagery really powerful, and the emotion was conveyed perfectly. One of your best in my opinion!

ampoule
05-05-2009, 07:31 AM
Yes, those dead things, those past things deserve a song, something we can all sing at one time or another. Nice.

firefangled
05-05-2009, 05:58 PM
This captured wonderful memories familiar to all of us. This stanza was so true


Now looking back in the mirror
I see not that girl greeting me,
but a stranger who snuck up
without warning.

jinjang
05-18-2009, 11:28 PM
This is indeed beautiful! It has the gradual awareness to reality and the climax.



Gone are the days
of drinking hot coco
with white cream upon my nose,
oblivious to the meaning of fear.

This is my favorite part. I will keep on searching and reading your poems.

Dark Muse
05-19-2009, 02:29 AM
Thank you

jinjang
05-19-2009, 03:21 AM
Which poem of yours do you feel most proud of?

Dark Muse
05-19-2009, 03:31 AM
hahah, wow that would be hard one to answer. I am acutally quite prolicifc to say the least. I could not pick which one. I have discs and discs of poetry.

I could review what I have posted here and tell you which of those poems I would rank among my best.

jinjang
05-19-2009, 03:45 AM
Let me rephrase the question: Which poem do you feel more attached to?

Dark Muse
05-19-2009, 01:15 PM
I will need some time to mull that one over and think about it.