The other side

[Sapphire]

I really doubted about posting this. It feels very, very unfinished - like a first draft but it has been like this for a week now. I am stuck on it.

We used to walk this road
together
but never holding hands

You on one side
I the other
I felt you so close
more than together

With the air between us
Radiating sunshine
Cars racing past
Looks
Smiles
They made me glow

Now they say
We never really looked a couple
Two separate beings

I was so glad
with what we had

Why did you listen?!

In my eyes, it is not a poem at all. Just a thought which is written down. It does not rhyme, it does not flow, it does not have an image in it, no comparison... nothing really. :confused: I tried all those things, but somehow I do end up with this again - all the others become way too forced. :brickwall.

Any ideas on how to make it into poetry instead of a page from a dairy? :) I think I need some rules to follow, or at least to break ;)

[IndigoStorm]

We used to walk this road
together
but never holding hands

You on one side
I the other
close more than together

With the air between us
Radiating sunshine
Cars racing past

Looks
Smiles
They made me glow

Now they say
We never really looked a couple
Two separate beings

I was so glad
with what we had

Why did you listen?!


Hi Sapphire;

Words from the heart ... what better. Not everything we write has to be sooo structured and sooo presented so as to be prose or poetry ...

Of course there will always be the purists who will stress that prose and poetry need to be MORE than just words ... I say: "Let them believe what they wish ... it is their democratic right."

I have above tried to give you an idea of how I would have structured the stanzas ... play around with what you have written ... add and take away until YOU feel comfortable with it ... after all they are YOUR thoughts and YOUR words ...

Have an awesome day!