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gokkun
04-29-2009, 05:00 PM
http://goodnotgood.blogspot.com/2009/03/i-got-f-and-so-can-you_08.html

I wrote this pretty ridiculous essay for my english class, in which we were supposed to write about a topic in The Scarlet Letter, by Nathaniel Hawthorne. I did not like this book at all, so I took a humorous approach, pointing out pointless things in the book. It is a lot more funny if you know what "Film Noir" is. It's an old style of movie characterized by its use of shadows and creative camera angles. If you don't know what film-noir is, the comments written by my teacher are still funny to read. I was expecting a mediocre grade from this new teacher, and was stunned when I got an F.

Anyways, I just wanted to get some feedback on this satirical essay, which was not supposed to be satirical, apparently. Thanks :D

Tyler Self
04-29-2009, 05:19 PM
Hahaha, I love your sense of humor. The "moral wildnerness, or whatever" is hilarious. Where is the second picture of the paper? I'd like to see the teacher's comments.

gokkun
04-29-2009, 05:32 PM
Thanks haha. she didn't write anything on the last two pages. Too bad, she missed the best part where I carefully analyze the book with math!

AimusSage
04-29-2009, 05:37 PM
It is okay to use humour in an essay when the possibility presents itself, however, the problem with your essay is that it is all biting sarcasm. This has a tendency to trigger a negative response, which, with an F I figure you got.

Tip 1: If you use humour, don't use sarcasm.

Also, taking a novel like The Scarlet Letter and comparing it with film noir, sure why not, if you can make it work. Aha! IF you can make it work. A reference to a part of the novel that supports your 'camera angle' point, doesn't proof anything. It is called anecdotal Evidence, and considered very weak to support anything really. Also: shadow, look more shadow...

tip 2: Find strong evidence to support your claims.

tip 3: If you can't take it serious, at least be honest about it.

All in all I wouldn't have given you an F for the essay, since I don't like grades expressed in letters. I prefer percentages.

gokkun
04-29-2009, 05:57 PM
It is okay to use humour in an essay when the possibility presents itself, however, the problem with your essay is that it is all biting sarcasm. This has a tendency to trigger a negative response, which, with an F I figure you got.

Tip 1: If you use humour, don't use sarcasm.

Also, taking a novel like The Scarlet Letter and comparing it with film noir, sure why not, if you can make it work. Aha! IF you can make it work. A reference to a part of the novel that supports your 'camera angle' point, doesn't proof anything. It is called anecdotal Evidence, and considered very weak to support anything really. Also: shadow, look more shadow...

tip 2: Find strong evidence to support your claims.

tip 3: If you can't take it serious, at least be honest about it.

All in all I wouldn't have given you an F for the essay, since I don't like grades expressed in letters. I prefer percentages.
Thanks, I appreciate your feedback. I purposely used evidence that had little to do with what it was supporting for a couple of cases. I tried to make it blatantly obvious that it wasn't serious, and it worked. Also, in case the teacher didn't like the essay, I had written an alternate essay that was actually serious and used good evidence. I saturated it with sarcasm to kind of shock the reader into saying "What the?" and just to make it funny to read.

Uberzensch
04-29-2009, 08:17 PM
I would have failed you.

I respect the attempt, but the effort wasn't there. Typically, doing something like this creates a very little room for success - you must execute it perfectly!

I think you had a nifty idea, but not a whole lot more.

Funny, though.

gokkun
04-29-2009, 09:36 PM
I would have failed you.

I respect the attempt, but the effort wasn't there. Typically, doing something like this creates a very little room for success - you must execute it perfectly!

I think you had a nifty idea, but not a whole lot more.

Funny, though.
Hmm... The thing is I put lots of effort into this paper, but not much effort into making it a successful "grade". I put most of it into making it as uncanny as possible, and making people laugh. I guess it is a pretty good template on how to not write an English paper... But I enjoyed writing it so much and peers in my school enjoyed reading it so its a success in my book. Unfortunately my school has a different book than me.

wateredwhisky
04-29-2009, 10:49 PM
Reminds me of this time in High School when I wrote an essay about how Beowulf was a giant 'your mom' joke.

gokkun
04-29-2009, 11:25 PM
Reminds me of this time in High School when I wrote an essay about how Beowulf was a giant 'your mom' joke.
Hahahahaha do you still have it? What grade did you get?

Captain Trips
04-29-2009, 11:39 PM
Awesome essay, I would have given you an A, but I love this kind of stuff and hate that book as well. I've written several essays like yours, though. Once we had to write about the history of our school and I made everything up about it being founded in 1609 or something like that, got a D on it. Last year we had to write an essay for a contest where our teacher picked the best 5 and sent them in. It was about agriculture and again I made it all up and tried to be as funny as possible. My teacher loved it (different one than the teacher that gave me a D) and she said she would have sent it in to the contest but she knew it would lose because I didn't take it seriously. Luckily though my current english teacher loves my sarcasm so I can get away with a lot in her class.

wateredwhisky
04-30-2009, 12:06 AM
Hahahahaha do you still have it? What grade did you get?

Unfortunately it was submitted to my "literary shames" file, aka my wood stove. I got a D- on it. This was AP English, mind you. ;)

optimisticnad
04-30-2009, 06:54 AM
Sense of humour? WHAT SENSE OF HUMOUR? Mate this was so far from funny that it was...painful. This is kindergarten humour, not mature off the edge double-entendre academic humour.

'Ergo, (therefore)' : oh come on! I'm not going to even explain why this was wrong.

'All in all, this book was pretty much the most film-noir-like book I have ever read. Nathanial Hawthorne was truly a titan among titans in the writer’s world, and these examples prove Nate’s film-noir virtuoso, if you will. This book was exhilarating read, from beginning to end, because of the edge of the seat scenes like the ones containing sunlight reflecting every which way and dynamic ever moving shadows. The reader is left totally flabbergasted.' : you're damn right, you're reader was left totally flabbergasted. Nate?! I didn't realise you two were intimate.

Normally I give people benefit of the doubt but you're not getting it simply because this was not only childish but fails to show even a mustard of seed of intelligence and effort. You're lucky you got F, trust me!

AimusSage
04-30-2009, 10:04 AM
Sense of humour? WHAT SENSE OF HUMOUR? Mate this was so far from funny that it was...painful. This is kindergarten humour, not mature off the edge double-entendre academic humour.

'Ergo, (therefore)' : oh come on! I'm not going to even explain why this was wrong.

'All in all, this book was pretty much the most film-noir-like book I have ever read. Nathanial Hawthorne was truly a titan among titans in the writer’s world, and these examples prove Nate’s film-noir virtuoso, if you will. This book was exhilarating read, from beginning to end, because of the edge of the seat scenes like the ones containing sunlight reflecting every which way and dynamic ever moving shadows. The reader is left totally flabbergasted.' : you're damn right, you're reader was left totally flabbergasted. Nate?! I didn't realise you two were intimate.

Normally I give people benefit of the doubt but you're not getting it simply because this was not only childish but fails to show even a mustard of seed of intelligence and effort. You're lucky you got F, trust me!
Hehe... Now that was funny...

true story! :D

AuntShecky
04-30-2009, 12:45 PM
If I were still teaching English and someone handed me a paper with the author's name misspelled (his first name in the essay itself and in your "tag" above), I would have given the paper a failing grade as well.
Some anachronistic jokes work well, but alas, it doesn't work here. If one wanted to make a humorous analogy between the film noir genre and this book, it would be necessary to show a complete understanding of both, and this piece exhibits neither.
There's nothing in that piece that tells the reader that you've ever really read The Scarlet Letter or, for that matter, ever have seen an actual film noir, such as "Detour."

Perhaps you could rewrite a more-or-less straight ahead book review and resubmit it. Ask the instructor if he or she would be willing to give you another chance. Oh, and make sure you have really read the book first.

a_little_wisp
04-30-2009, 12:46 PM
I've tried to pull this one before.

However, after entering AP classes in highschool (I'm in college now) - things certainly changed... The last humorous remark I left on a paper was in a footnote, something about Mephistopheles and venereal diseases. The rest of the paper, however, I kept very straight-faced. There is definitely a time and place for humor (and that place is still not in the footnotes, unless your teacher is somewhat quirky like mine was).

I didn't laugh at it. It didn't feel like satire. Satire generally makes a point- I didn't take anything away from this.

Here, what makes me wince is ... well, how the teacher must have felt. She's new, and probably nervous. She could be doing a million other things at the time she's grading your paper - but she's decided to sit down instead and not only actually READ your paper, but leave you comments as well. She's takes her job seriously - she expects to take your studying seriously as well.

Not to mention there are a dozen other students who probably killed themselves to make an A, who ripped The Scarlet Letter apart and made serious work of it, and who wrote perhaps something real and meaningful. Those are the students who - whether they like the book or not - are going to make As.

But I know how it feels, when you dislike a reading, when you're braindead, when you're burnt out from school and you just want to, for once, do it YOUR way...

Fortunately my AP teachers taught me that doing it the proper way can be incredibly enlightening, and that what I write really can affect people, really can change their minds and move them- but I have to have conviction behind my words.

I hope the rest of your year goes well, though, and that you find a reading that really wants you to delve deep and fly away with a new idea! Best of luck!

Mathor
05-01-2009, 06:12 PM
I mean, I did stuff like this in high school too. I was kind of rebellious especially when the thesis would allow only one point of view and often I would write the oppposite like "use of symbolism in ___" and i would prove that there really isn't any symbolism at all.

However, the fact that you are proud of yourself for being this rebellious and getting an F seems to be where this essay shows its mediocrity.

kawaii!
05-04-2009, 06:09 PM
I didn't find any humor in your "satirical" piece, nor did i learn anything from it. If you're going to write in that style try to make a general point of some sort and take essays more seriously.