mea culpa

[~Sophia~]

mea culpa - by Lidia Laidlaw pen name ~Sophia~

my life has not been obedient
the heady ways of a rebellious hawk
lifted on neurons, saffron and quasar

under wing the pentagram landscapes
of mad queen chess - touching pieces
clocks and time
love, carpe, leaping, sorrow - survival

alis volat propriis

and this is where you listen for the inflection
of a stranger in my mouth - louche

the wind, immune to my bribes knows
God is the eye of the storm and I

I am caught between two shores - like parted lips,
the tongue splitting the terrain
into fault lines and raging rivers
into mountains and meadows
into far away faces
and the miracle
of being forgiven

for throwing a favorite doll
to a sleeping lion just
to see him wake

[Sapphire]

Wow... really magical Sophia - where on earth do you find these words :)

I had to figure out what "alis volat propriis" means - "She flies with her own wings". Fits perfectly!

the wind, immune to my bribes
I really wonder how to bribe the wind :D

Thank you for sharing, Sapphire

[AuntShecky]

Every time I see the word "louche" I have to look it up -- it's not in either of the two old, old dictionaries I have. But the word works well in this context.

My Latin's rustier than Caesar's shield. I remember "mea culpa"
but aliis volat. . ."make another wish?"??? Or maybe it's the verb for "FLY"??

Anyway, I liked this piece. It's sui generis.

Auntie

[~Sophia~]

Hi AuntShecky! Mea culpa is used every day here to say "it's my fault" so I don't actually think of it as an old latin phrase (though it is).

"alis volat propriis" means - "She flies with her own wings". Thanks for calling it unique!

[a_little_wisp]

Deeper and deeper... I can't even begin to grasp this one, but I don't think I'm meant to. It makes perfect sense, however! And ... it's very, very eloquent - it really takes one far and away, and dips deep into memories of metaphors... How could you not be forgiven?

I love the use of latin phrases, too.'Specially the bit "alis volat propriis". I think that's one of my favorites now.

[~Sophia~]

Hey Wispy! I'm always surprised when a poem of mine is referred to as deep. In my head, I'm just shedding skin and I think it's clear as day. LOL. Gotta get out of my head!
As for being forgiven ... in some cases... milagro. I think you fly the same way. By the skin of your wings.

[IndigoStorm]

Hi Sophia ….

I am very new here so I guess I could be very far off the mark in my interpretation of Mea Culpa … but then again I am an old soul, an Indigo and we are slightly different to most earthlings.

I have read “Mea Culpa” several times and each time I have been lucky enough to discover something I didn’t notice or perhaps fully grasp the time before.

You appear to be baring part of your soul in this work but at the same time you are reluctant, perhaps hesitant to “say it out loud” so to speak, so you have couched it in euphemisms and in Latin.

There are words and phrases aplenty that slowly, perhaps even painstakingly reveal parts of you, beginning with the title … “My Fault.”

You were/are a rebel suffering from bi-polar/manic depression (neurons) and you perhaps follow/followed the ways of the Buddha (saffron) … quasar (inter-stellar radio source?) I will need time to figure that one out.

Maybe you once dabbled in Satanism (pentagram landscapes) and now you fly with your own wings (alis volat propriis) …. Hawks, Wings? Astral Travel?

And maybe once you wanted to be very different just to get attention … perhaps from your parents or your father.

I have looked in at your profile but apart from the falcon mistress thing, I learnt very little from my visit …

In any event, right or wrong …

Have an awesome day!

[~Sophia~]

IndigoStorm - great name! Indigo is my favorite spectrum and I get metaphorically high when storms (especially hurricanes) hit.


I am very new here so I guess I could be very far off the mark in my interpretation of Mea Culpa … but then again I am an old soul, an Indigo and we are slightly different to most earthlings. Welcome! I’ve only been here a few months myself.


I have read “Mea Culpa” several times and each time I have been lucky enough to discover something I didn’t notice or perhaps fully grasp the time before. Duality comes with layers. Glad you enjoyed sifting.


You appear to be baring part of your soul in this work but at the same time you are reluctant, perhaps hesitant to “say it out loud” so to speak, so you have couched it in euphemisms and in Latin. I’m a Scorpio so it’s not in my nature to reveal everything. It’s very true that we are somewhat secretive.


There are words and phrases aplenty that slowly, perhaps even painstakingly reveal parts of you, *beginning with the title … “My Fault.” Is simply taking responsibility for the right and wrong choices I’ve made on the journey so far. I could blame them on circumstance or the actions of others but as an adult, I believe we are always culpable in some way ( I exclude childhood where your life is in someone else’s hands).


You were/are a rebel suffering from bi-polar/manic depression (neurons) and you perhaps follow/followed the ways of the Buddha (saffron) … quasar (inter-stellar radio source?) I will need time to figure that one out. LOL. No, I am not nor have I ever suffered from depression (other than life’s usual passing disappointments)
Neurons = Impulse. I am an extremely impulsive person.
Saffron = I’m drawn to the unusual, rare, color and the antithesis of mediocrity.
Quasar = Dreamer, believer, star gazer, personal evolution, distant, energy (pick one lol)


Maybe you once dabbled in Satanism (pentagram landscapes) and now you fly with your own wings (alis volat propriis) …. Hawks, Wings? Astral Travel?

No, never dabble in Satanism. The pentagram was a shape reference to indicate where on this hemisphere I have lived. Gypsy feet.

Not just "now" ... I have been flying with my own wings since I was 15.
I'm also a falconer and completely in love with birds (especially raptors).


And maybe once you wanted to be very different just to get attention … perhaps from your parents or your father.

It wasn’t my doll and, I really did it just to see that lion animate. I wanted him to roar, to pounce. I once had a wolf who for the most part was very passive unless he sensed danger. When he went into wolf mode, I would ignore the danger and just watch him. He was magnificent.


I have looked in at your profile but apart from the falcon mistress thing, I learnt very little from my visit *… Back to my secretive nature. The photo albums and my other poems leave a trail... I guess.


In any event, right or wrong … Have an awesome day!

You too! And thanks for taking the time to comment in such a thoughtful way!

[a_little_wisp]

I wanted to comment, because... I like the response. 'Specially the bit about being culpable. I agree completely. And... you had a wolf?!

Sophia's a Scoorpiooo! I love Scorpios! Half my family is comprised of them! (They ARE very secretive, but I have pried because - it's in my nature, as an Aquarius- moon in Gemini! *Dancedance* Yes, double air - I'm doomed.)

Oh, and also, I just wanted to add, as a sidenote: it's the inverted pentagram that represents Satanism - the Sigil of Baphomet. Goat's head.

The pentagram itself (upright), or pentacle (they're used interchangeably), deals with magic, yea, but generally good magic (for instance, Sir Gawain's shield in Sir Gawain in the Green Knight- pentagram for protection, and symbolic for the five wits, senses, or virtues). As an ex-neopagan it was a religious symbol for me.

[~Sophia~]

DANCEDANCE ALWAYS-ALLWAYS! Love that about you!

And, yes. My origin is at the top of that pentagram. About 17 years ago, one of the times I lived in the north, through chance or a miracle or divine intervention (maybe all three) I ended up with a pure wolf. He lived for seven more years with me and I dragged him around on all my travels. People would have one of two reactions... they grabbed up their children and crossed the street or - begged me to wait while they ran to the car to get their camera.

He was spectacular to say the least. Long gangly legs, yellow eyes, menacing and beautiful looking. And he was kind. He once brought a kitten home that was near starved to death. I have no idea where he found it but she would only eat when she was tucked into his tummy and he was licking her fur.

I was also nursing a one-winged, plucked, self-mutilating muluccan cockatoo that had to get four shots in the chest twice a day. When the bird saw me coming at him with the syringe he would run and hide behind the wolf. I'm sure the neighborhood thought I was some kind of lunatic when the three of us went for a walk. Cockatoo in a harness, waddling and screeching down the sidewalks, and a wolf at my side. He never needed a leash. Not a day goes by that I don't think about him.

Edit: Oh, and I once was adopted by a crow. He followed me when I was outside and would come sit on the window ledge and squawk at me when I was in the kitchen.

[firefangled]

I enjoyed reading this one. The images are very original and especially liked the last two stanzas.

Interesting that you had a wolf. When I lived in NC, I had a wolf/german shepherd cross named Molly.

[~Sophia~]

Thanks firefangled! I've never had a hybrid wolf/dog but, if their personality closely resembles that of a wolf' I''m sure you loved him to bits. If all the planets align just right, perhaps I'll be lucky enough to have another one some day.