My first try

[goolee]

HELLO FRIENDS,
In this thread i have posted my first short story called as ENGLISH,It`s about a retired south-Indian English teacher.Pls read it and send me the feedbacks.I know that ur comments will refine me..




English


Hi arun!!!welcome home .How are you...???Questioned Kumarji.
Kumarji is a retired English teacher.
Hey arun take your seat and I shall bring u a cup of curd-milk. Ranga is on his way and we shall start the proceedings once he is home.

I sat on that leather couch and felt very comfortable. That room was quite big and it had all the luxurious furnitures fitted along with a good AC.I felt quite comfortable sitting in that AC room.

Take this arun..Kumar returned with a cup of cold curd-milk. Do u like it arun??He continued without waiting for my response,Curd-Milk is the best drink to have in a summer season..Poor youngsters of nowadays like u don't realize this and stick with American drinks like cola..But u know what??Ranga realizes all this and he always prefers Curd milk above such colas..

It's all because of the environment arun,The education system is not good and it does not teach the students to think on their own. Take a look at this Tamil cinema..A hero does all such crazy things like a super man and all our young boys try to emulate this. No one is trying to use this medium to teach people.
To Teach them about good virtues,
To Teach them about various cultures
And to teach them about new things which they don't know.
Instead they they stick with this bloody Love and SEX. Thats`y I have always advised Ranga to watch English movies like I have been doing for the past 30 years..You know what,Tamil is not a language suitable for expressing Science and technology,,But in English you can express anything easily..That's why I prefer English..

I looked at my watch..30 minutes had elapsed since I reached ranga`s home. Kumarji was speaking to me without any breaks..Thank god Ranga arrived..He greeted me with a warm smile. A close friend from my school days. His mother died last year and Ranga has equipped the house with all the things which would steer out the loneliness kumarji would feel.

Rangu!! how was the day man..??every thing okay..???Go grab that UPMA in that oven along with that juicy tomato chutney in the refrigerator and return quickly,Arun is waiting for u..

Ranga returned after having his dinner. He looked fresh in that new 4 MOZHAM veshti.
Dad shall I start dad??Yes Rangu..quick.its already 10 and it would be 12 when we finish.

Ranga plugged the pen-drive to the Sony dvd-player and switched on his home theater system and switched off the room lamps..The movie started playing It was titled as

THE USUAL SUSPECTS .

A very good thriller arun. I have always wanted to watch this...Look out for the cinematography,,He got academy award for his work.

The film started rolling and I honestly was not able to pick up the native American accent..thought of asking for a Subtitle but then stopped thinking about it..Suddenly Kumarji picked up the remote and PAUSED the movie..

Rengu..Load the English subtitles and play the movie from the beginning.

[prendrelemick]

I liked this one.

It can be tricky to get dialogue right, and even trickier to write a virtual monologue I thought you handled it well here. I notice you don't use speech marks, I didn't miss them, but I wonder why.

[goolee]

I liked this one.

It can be tricky to get dialogue right, and even trickier to write a virtual monologue I thought you handled it well here. I notice you don't use speech marks, I didn't miss them, but I wonder why.


As, i had told im a debutant and i never realized the need for speech marks.Thanks for the review.I hope u can help me further by giving more tips and places where i should concentrate.

As im a debutant,it will be helpful if u can provide me with a link which educates me regarding the basics of story writing.

Thank you.

[prendrelemick]

You all ready have the basics Goolee. A good author needs to be a storyteller first and foremost, grammer and technique can be learnt.

All I can say is keep writing AND reading. When you read a story, study what the author is doing, look at his choice of words, ask yourself what effect they have. Remember you can learn as much from a badly written story as from a well written one, if you ask yourself why you thought it bad.

Above all, keep practicing. Try different things.

Here is a link to a thread on this forum, by auntyshecky that you may find helpful. It is a list of suggestions what not to do, but remember You are the author it is up to you in the end.


http://www.online-literature.com/forums/showthread.php?t=41000

[goolee]

Thank you very much.I shall use that link and implement it.In the mean time i have finished my second short story(I am planning to write 1 story every day).Iam posting it in a new thread.P ls Review It.

http://www.online-literature.com/forums/showthread.php?t=41000[/QUOTE]