This Angry Fire

[breathtest]

Hope you will give feedback on this poem i wrote quite a while ago now. It has sat in one of my notebooks gathering dust for months.

I have a great passion for this angry fire,
Regurgitating memories, endless reels of thought
Uncut and smelling of warm beer and popcorn and poker
Nicotine stained fingers gripping a bluff
All in
And shattered windows a month old neglected
And mistreated dogs scattered in a back alley sniffing the bins for food
And gangrenous wounds growing swollen with the effort

Deserted supermarket at night
Different somehow than the day, shrunken isles and depleted stores
From the scavengers who left us nothing,
The coloured lighting gives the place an ominous tinge
But I am not affected by it
These long lonely shelves with nothing but a loaf of bread and box of biscuits
The naked hour remaining for one final hour
But the night is not over and we must roam till light

We must eat all we can and drink from the rivers of our minds
Encapsulated in dry earth that is soon to be crushed by aluminium
And brick and tons of cement
And suffocated in desperate silence groping for money

[Delta40]

breathtest I read this in two settings. In the cold autumn morning while my washing machine was toiling away in the background to busy domestic activity

In the lounge where it was warm and quiet.

both times it had the same effect. unsettling. It leaves me feeling alone. the images situate me and underline the dark quality within. I'm no good at analysing but this is how your poem affected me.

[breathtest]

I am very glad you read it and i think i am glad it made such an impresssion on you because that is what poetry is supposed to do.

Thank you Delta40

[Silas Thorne]

It looks more like automatic writing in places. I'm not sure if it's meant to be coherent though, right. Or did you craft it intentionally?

This 'all in' bit seems like it wants the line to be filled:


Regurgitating memories, endless reels of thought
Uncut and smelling of warm beer and popcorn and poker
Nicotine stained fingers gripping a bluff
All in
And shattered windows a month old neglected
And mistreated dogs scattered in

There's a dark sense of hopelessness, empty roaming, and desolation in it, which you convey well. Don't see what's wrong with 'warm beer, popcorn and poker' though personally.

This line seems a bit pointless though:

The naked hour remaining for one final hour
It's a hour, why wouldn't it remain for another hour?

Love the last stanza, though I do think personally the last bit could do with a longer line with cement in it. ;)

In short, I think it's excellent poetry, but still could be fleshed out a bit more. :) Just my wild rambling ideas.Might be writing gibbers, check it out, read it and see if you think I have a point or not.

[breathtest]

Silas Thorne:
The 'all in' part is a reference to poker which i thought was very effective left on its own as a single line

'The naked hour remaining for one final hour' is a reference to the naked lunch by William S Burroughs and i meant it to signify the end of the beat generation, the final hour.

But i agree it perhaps needs some work done to it...thanks for your input.