Futile Fillings

[Delta40]

your 'he' groan makes me feel
the 'you' inside of me

I hold a world of reality down
so you can find me elsewhere

tied by throes of a binding kind

Till this sonnet is thresh'd out
into the day

then my nights
are like a summers dream

[Silas Thorne]

woh! :)
But it seems a little piecemeal, Delta, like the lines are not connected together into a whole. The lines in this poem that really leapt out at me were these ones:

your 'he' groan makes me feel
the 'you' inside of me
.....

tied by throes of a binding kind



The others seem to be more like prose, and although 'threshed out into the day' is also a good line, I'm not sure why you put 'sonnet' there.

Write on,
Silas :)

[Sapphire]

Wow... every line in its own is a little poem :) I really like:

I hold a world of reality down
so you can find me elsewhere
To me, the poem as a whole does fit - though I can see how the lines are not particularly connected. I wonder about the sonnet as well - my interpretation is that they are poems with a little twist in the end: the night has got to end. Or it is the fact that sonnets are good for love poems, but every poem form is good for such ;)

[Delta40]

I'm writing in response mode without thinking.. perhaps I should think before I put pen to paper or go with this - consider your valuable feedback and then edit.

what do you think?