grabblet coverings

[Delta40]

I waited here in the dark
listening

the tv played and I saw mythbusters
spatter open

in my mind. You watched with eyes closed
numbingly asleep

as flashing images screened your private thoughts
They watched you

I tossed and turned in my thoughtful world
you still dwell here without knowing it.

It is so far to fall to the floor from the haven of one's bed.

[Sapphire]

Nice :) Thank you for sharing.

I like the way you distributed the lines and punctiation: "spatter open / in my mind. You watched". First I read it like "in my mind you watched", like somebody watching into your mind. But it's the other way around.

The last line is stuck in my head now :)

Sapphire

[Delta40]

I waited here in the dark
listening

the tv played and I saw mythbusters
spatter open

in my mind you watched with eyes closed
numbingly asleep

as flashing images screened your private thoughts
They watched you

toss and turn in my thoughtful world
you still dwell here without knowing it.

It is so far to fall to the floor from the haven of one's bed

Upon reflection

[Silas Thorne]

The title has a smile, but the poem left me with a feeling of erotic emptiness. I can't describe it (maybe sometimes I'm not so good at responding to poetry), but the whole second half of the poem struck something in me:

You watched with eyes closed
numbingly asleep

as flashing images screened your private thoughts
They watched you

I tossed and turned in my thoughtful world
you still dwell here without knowing it.

It is so far to fall to the floor from the haven of one's bed.

But maybe I've completely misread it.
I just saw another line here. I thought the 'fall to the floor' line was terrific as a last line.

[Delta40]

thanks. I'm still trying to find myself in poetry and I'm hampered by brevity....how can I reveal myself as a passionate subject in this state of abruptness....its almost contradictory.

here! she snapped
have a little slap of my heat

[~Sophia~]

I'm echoing Silas' comments. I love the lucid dream state and theses lines are fantastic!


They watched you

toss and turn in my thoughtful world
you still dwell here without knowing it.

It is so far to fall to the floor from the haven of one's bed