PDA

View Full Version : Dead of the Night (horror/thriller) some swearing,



sc9108
04-19-2009, 08:07 AM
Dead of the Night,


Amber turned to Michael who was driving the car out of the driveway ''Where are your Cd's?'' Michael taking his eyes off the road replied, ''In the drawer there'' pointing in front of Amber,
at the pull down drawer compartment,

Amber while taking out a CD wallet '' So where are we going, It's nearly midnight nowheres open,'' as she flicked through the Cd's, Michael taking a pack of chewing gum from the ash tray '' We're going for a drive, You already knew that,''

Michael only passed his driving test ten hours ago but wanted to try his car on road rather than back and forth down his drive way, With a chewing gum in his mouth '' We'll go back if you want,'' putting the packet back in the tray,

Amber toke an album out of the sleeve, '' Aha found one,'' putting it in and skipping through, '' No it's ok i just thought we were going somewhere, I just thought its late that's all, I need to be up early tomorrow,'' she found a song she liked and turned it up to as loud as it could go,

She turned to Michael and laughed, Michael looked back at her and couldn't help but laugh at her cheesy grin,

Amber looked back out the windscreen and quickly lost her grin she scream at the top of her lungs, ''LOOKOUT !'' Michael turned and slammed the brakes on, the tires screeched, He looked at Amber who was frozen with fear,

Michael tried to get his breath back, Before he could think he found himself opening his door,
''Turn the music off,'' he said in a quiet subtle voice, Amber just sat there in a trance looking out at the blank windscreen, He was now standing outside the car behind the open door as if it was a shield, He looked back and yelled '' TURN THE ****ING MUSIC OFF !!'',

Amber came to and switched it on mute, Engine still running and headlights still on, Michael slowly walked around the door to get a better look at the body lying cold on the road in front of them, Amber now standing behind her door holding onto it as if to stop her from falling,

Michael looked at the body and quickly turned the other direction he started to gag '' it's a ****ing kid,,, we hit a kid,'' Amber's lip started to quiver and she started breathing frantically '' is ,, is he dead,,'',

Michael taking a phone out of his pocket, '' I'm gonna call an ambulance,, '' he looked at his phone and their was no signal, '' **** !! '' he walked back and forth trying to think,

Amber saw this and broke down sitting against the side of the car, she put her head in her hands and started to cry,











Michael walked over to her and said in a calm voice '' We need to get him in the back of the car,''


Michael walked over to the body and put his coat around the boy,''Amber please i need your help to get him in the car,'' Amber slowly got up and walked over to him, looking away from the body trying not to stare at it, Michael '' Get ,, get his legs,''

She grabbed the boy's ankles gentle and they carried him to the car, the door was already open and Michael climbed in the back, and pulled the boy to the seat,

Amber ran around the back of the car and started to be sick,Michael closed the door to the back of the car and got back in the driver's seat, Amber slowly pulled herself together and got back in the passengers side,

They closed they're doors and sat in silences, Michael turned to Amber who was pale white,
''You know it was an accident right ,, i mean ,, it could have happened to any car driving down here ,, it was dark i ,, i wasn't speeding ,,, look we're in deep **** Amber''

Amber looked at him in disbelieve ''What are you saying ,,, are, you saying we dump him and , and carry on its a ****ing kid Michael we need to get him help,''

Michael sat there silently and then finally said ''I'm not,,, I'm just saying we need to think of what we're going to say ,''

He put the car in first gear and pulled away Amber turned her head to look out the window,
the boy in the back seat slowly sat up,

He had pale grayish skin with dark eyes and yellow teeth, with a decaying look in his face, he opened his mouth and lunged for Michael biting his neck tearing his skin, both Michael and Amber screamed as Michael drove his car into a ditch,

The sound of the car horn filled the dark damp air,

END.

1n50mn14
04-19-2009, 11:35 AM
Even in your first paragraph:


Amber turned to Michael , who was driving the car out of the driveway.

''Where are your Cd's?''

Michael taking his eyes off the road answered

''They're in the drawer there,''

pointing (to) **is unecessary** in front of amber, at the pull down drawer compartment.

Fix all your typos and grammatical errors, and you might have something.

sc9108
04-19-2009, 11:43 AM
Even in your first paragraph:

Fix all your typos and grammatical errors, and you might have something.
I know sometimes I get so caught up in the story I make some foolish errors, Apart from that did you enjoy the storyline ? I'm gonna film this as a short story later this year,

krispykritta
04-19-2009, 10:11 PM
I liked it, i love vampire stories

sc9108
04-20-2009, 12:44 AM
Thank you kritta :) im glad you liked it,The title was going to be Already Dead but that would give away the whole thing !!,

sc9108
04-22-2009, 11:02 AM
Your be pleased to know I have had a bit more of a tidy up on the story and hopefully it's improved :) enjoy