The Body's Litany

[Il Penseroso]

work in progress

[qimissung]

This poem encompasses some of the most amazing imagery I've seen in a long time. These come from our mythological past; they are redwoods, they are titans, they are inspiring. Keep it all.

[PrinceMyshkin]

Whichever way you decide to go with this, you will have a hard if not impossible time avoiding genius!!! Much as I dislike the frequent attempts here and elsewhere to define what is or is not poetry, this is poetry! Sheer, bloody, beautiful poetry!!!

Thanks.

[jon1jt]

First let me say I think it's fantastic, the very best I've seen from you. The imagery is a bit overwhelming, or hum-drummy after a stanza or two, and that's no criticism against the imagery, it's ecstatic, and I wonder how much has to do with the structure, the repeating body lines....you mention the "body" in the poem and yet you limit it to five parts, which seems to act more as a spring to the imagery than to anything intimately connective. Maybe expand the idea of the body more. Allow the imagery to flow within rather than swallow the poem. Otherwise, a beaut.

[blp]

Um... don't want to be the party-pooper, but you did say you were thinking of scrapping it. Yes! Do it! Just kidding. I think it's a good exercise and it might be good to do more like it, but for me, it's not adding up to much, beauty of individual lines irregardless. Maybe try a whittled down version, as you suggest.

[Il Penseroso]

Thanks for the reads!

I think I'm with blp. As a whole even I don't get much out of it. But it may be a worthwhile exercise to see what I can get at playing with the form, such as more line variation, etc, and I do like jon's recommendation of working some other parts of the body into it, which reminds me of a Keneth Koch poem/play in which he gives voice to a variety of body parts including a man's penis and toenail.

And then I might try to work out a few poems from some individual lines.

[ampoule]

I don't know, but I may try reading it to my lover before bed tonight. ;) ;)
It seems more about the five senses than the body.
I enjoyed reading each body part as its own stanza. Actually, I liked that better.

[~Sophia~]

I think you've pulled off a litany of wonderful individual lines but they don't seem to be going anywhere.

[PrinceMyshkin]

Following on Ampoule's suggestion (post #7), mightn't it work better somewhat like this:


The tongue is wild prairie grass noshed by hungry buffalo,
is blackbirds erupting from the emptiness of trees,
the dryness that hangs over morning leaves,
a tulip mood ornamenting the backyard of our days.
a scorched log flaking embers and ash.

And so on with each of the senses, culminating perhaps in some grand, triumphal salute or philosophic overview as the last line of the The skin stanza? If there is already movement in the poem, it appears that it might be in the direction of the skin that has both its own sensual function and encloses all the others?

And may I reiterate what a dazzling succession of images there is in this!

[Riesa]

Thanks for the reads!

I think I'm with blp. As a whole even I don't get much out of it. But it may be a worthwhile exercise to see what I can get at playing with the form, such as more line variation, etc, and I do like jon's recommendation of working some other parts of the body into it, which reminds me of a Keneth Koch poem/play in which he gives voice to a variety of body parts including a man's penis and toenail.

And then I might try to work out a few poems from some individual lines.

Heya, IP. I found so much beauty in your lines, but kind of couldn't find a place to settle, a raison d'etre; I'm with blp too. Maybe instead of more body parts, you need something whole to contrast, to hold it together. as for Ken Koch's poem/play, isn't man a bit redundant there? :p

[white camellia]

The structure of the poem matches the thing it draws - repetitive, because these things are among us; fixed, because they are changing, but cannot do without the simple and eternal bones!

[white camellia]

Heya, IP. I found so much beauty in your lines, but kind of couldn't find a place to settle, a raison d'etre; I'm with blp too. Maybe instead of more body parts, you need something whole to contrast, to hold it together. as for Ken Koch's poem/play, isn't man a bit redundant there? :p
Isn't that just like the body itself - almost meaningless without the will?

[a_little_wisp]

This is is absolutely remarkable imagery. If you're going to cut and try to work it into something else- oh, do keep this one. Each image here is so very striking. I can see, however, you don't want to expand the body?



It seems more about the five senses than the body.

Agreed with ampoule. And so for me, I guess it doesn't exactly need to go anywhere. This poems seems to prove that nature defines our senses best. Five senses, five stanzas- imagery that makes you sigh and takes the reader to the intended place, to the intended feeling...

Lovely.

[Il Penseroso]

I suppose it probably should be called "Sense Litany" because I did stick to the five senses (though with the tongue section I sort of forgot this a bit and focused more on speech).

Thanks for reading and commenting all!


as for Ken Koch's poem/play, isn't man a bit redundant there? :p

D'oh! Penises exist on other animals though, right?