Melting baby's skin

[kevinthediltz]

So the other night (that being yesterday) I was at a fire with my dear friend skib. For some reason I said something about melting the skin off a baby, and he said something along the lines of "Sounds like one of your poems you ol' son of a *****." So to spite him:

Melting baby's skin

The hammer hits the nail
The nail drives into my head
Cast out not the wicked
But the pure of heart
Words spew from my mouth
Burning like hot liquid
Spat unto the child before me
Melting the skin
And revealing bone

But more important
Showing truth
Your mask
Will no longer hide
Your true colors, my dear

[a_little_wisp]

The first verse is all fire and molten lava - the diction you used to capture the bright heat of anger here is brilliant, Kevin.

What a horrifying image. 'The nail striking the head' made me think of a startling revelation, sudden and painful. The baby seems to represent a facade of innocence that is revealed for what it truly is.

The image of 'melting baby's skin' is really something in itself. Oo, gives me the chills.

o_O Well, that's what I got from it. I like it immensely, Kevin! Oh no!:bawling: Your last poem!

[kevinthediltz]

Thank you wispy! To be honest, the first line was inspired by another thing that me and skib thought would make a good poem title/subject. Then I sort of just wrote. But I definately like the way it turned out. And your analysis of the baby was pretty much dead on.

It is not my last. I'll do plenty of writing up there and Ill get one every once in a while to put them up. So don't you worry!

[Virgil]

I agree with Wispy. The first stanza is strong. Then you try ot intellectualize in the second stanza and it doesn't seem to have weight. I don't even understand the second stanza.

[Lokasenna]

Now this, I like!

"Words spew from my mouth
Burning like hot liquid
Spat unto the child before me"

These stood out with particular force - the image is a very powerful one.

True, the second verse is less opaque, but that's part of its charm, I think!