For Me

[~Sophia~]

For Me by Lidia Laidlaw pen name ~Sophia~

I stopped walking your path
because I had promised God
that if you lived, I would not.

And God has held me to it - though,
I’m not sure I believe in him.

Dear Lord, I’m tired of being without
and you don’t know me. The child with
a scar on her face made you happy

because she was no longer alone.

And, when I loved you - I let the sun in.
Nothing would ever be the same again.

But the rains washed her away
and there are no do overs.

[firefangled]

I like this very much, Sophia.

There is a prayer like quality about it and a profound hopelessness, so much so that the last two words pale against the simple eloquence of the rest.

[~Sophia~]

Thank you firefangled, you know how much I value your opinion. The last two words are much like Amen I think. Final. There is no going back.

[jon1jt]

It's a little rigid, Soph, in that sense you seem to hold back a lot, like there's more there. It starts breaking down for me here:


The child with
a scar on her face made you happy

because she was no longer alone.


I'm not sure if there's some deeper meaning that I missed about the child with the scar, if it's some biblical reference or just as I take it, the subject reflecting on her past. I didn't expect the third paragraph to shift into a direct appeal with, 'Dear Lord," which takes the poem into a new direction, a bit abruptly? Not sure.

Being without...the Lord in her life?

I like the ending. And for whatever reason, it made me think how when I was a kid I used to like to listen to cars driving down my rain-soaked street---the crackle in that, with a lingering rising-from-the-warm surface fresh smell---summer slicing humidity into the city silence. Where your subject ends up in the end---washed away, may not be such a bad place, even if there are no do overs. Perhaps it's that I still like to think that the rain is our friend. :)

[~Sophia~]

Hi jon1jt! Thanks a lot for reading and commenting! I sometimes find it difficult deciding how much of myself to reveal in poems that come from painful places.

It's an internal conversation and a prayer. If I decide to edit, I'll definitely keep your observations in mind! (and you are right - being washed away is not a bad place in this instance) Thanks again for your insight~

[a_little_wisp]

For Me

I stopped walking your path
because I had promised God
that if you lived, I would not.

And God has held me to it - though,
I’m not sure I believe in him.

Dear Lord, I’m tired of being without
and you don’t know me. The child with
a scar on her face made you happy

because she was no longer alone.

And, when I loved you - I let the sun in.
Nothing would ever be the same again.

But the rains washed her away
and there are no do overs.

I agree with Jon in that I think there's something here that... well, we simply cannot see, or perhaps are not meant to. But rather than being rigid, to me it seems more... mysterious.

It's very somber, very melancholy in tone - and nostalgic, too. I sense a love story here, broken, but still remembered. It's almost as if the narrator is moving back and forth between thoughts -

She chooses to live for herself, not someone else -

But it's hard to be alone -

- But what is done, is done.

There seems to be a lot of growing up in this poem, but I'm not ... I'm not sure if I sense regret, exactly. At the end, there is such firmness.

Your poems move through a pallet of emotions, never the same - each different, each so unique and so vibrant in their images. Each so real. You're so very talented, Sophia!

[~Sophia~]

It's almost as if the narrator is moving back and forth between thoughts -

She chooses to live for herself, not someone else -

But it's hard to be alone -

- But what is done, is done.

Hi Wispy. You know... you are a very sensitive reader. Sometimes I think you understand my poems better than I do LOL. Very perceptive! Thanks for always putting so much though into your comments. You are one very special young woman!