Techniques in a short story

[Chilly]

So i'm writting a short story and I have encountered many times when i could put in a metaphor, personification, rhymes and alliteration.
I'm pretty sure that putting in as many metaphors and personifications as I can is good but what about the rhyming and alliteration. In a short story would that be too cheesy? would it lose some of the emotion and effect of the story?
Should I not use them in short stories at all?
here's an example of what I wrote in the middle of one of the paragraphs:
However, at 10 last night he had seen a frightening sight.

[K.M Roberston]

Personally I think it's up to the writer. Does Rhyming make you feel the emotion? if you think think that it helps get the emotions out then do it! If that emotion makes you rhyme than i say it's fine. But that just what I think.. For the line you put up, it does sound kinda cheesy, but I would love to heard a but more of it. It may only sound that way on it's own.

HIH!;)

[Chilly]

thanks

[Rob Fusion]

Anything a writer adds is their own decision, but when the piece is completed, a good writer will of made the necessary transitions so that the piece as a whole flows. . It is your job as a writer to insure that.

[K.K.]

I agree with the responses posted by KM and Rob, but I would like to add a word of caution regarding literary devices. When writing fiction, focus on the coherence of the piece: plot, syntax, character developement, etc. If you are adding rhymes, metaphors, and other literary devices simply for the sake of including them, you may actually damage the story. Use the devices if they fit, but be sure that they do strengthen the story.