For Dylan, unfinished

[Silas Thorne]

I woke up this morning
to the sleep-before words
of the Prince of the Apple Towns.
Awakening in the darkness of the day
to little birdsong in the world outside,
but inside golden firstlight fell upon me
humming with peace and calm,
like winter's snowfall to the mind of crows.

There, through the crack in the curtain
the wet-hewed colours of dewgrass met morning,
reminding me of long lost hills
that passed from your tongue to my eyes, in sleep,
awakening dreams to me, in waking
I thought could darn my coat of day...
but those, I could not thread, before they passed.

© Silas Thorne 7/4/09

[PrinceMyshkin]

An exalted poem, with line after line that stands out even from the general excellence of this:


Awakening in the darkness of the day
to little birdsong in the world outside,
but inside golden firstlight fell upon me
humming with peace and calm,
like winter's snowfall to the mind of crows.


reminding me of long lost hills
that passed from your tongue to my eyes, in sleep,


I thought could darn my coat of day...
but those, I could not thread, before they passed.

© Silas Thorne 7/4/09

How seemingly effortless and spontaneous!

[PoeticPassions]

My dear Silas, I wondered if I should leave you a message here or on your blog... not that it matters much... so anyway... (ah, I always overuse ellipses).

Ok here it goes:
I love the imagery. Each line is so intentionally placed, yet seems so, as Prince Myshkin notes, effortless... I particularly like the line about the threading of dreams (thinking of Yeats here and the treading of dreams...) and the coat, which can be tread or thread. Very nice play on words! :)

The poem is reminiscent of something for me... it is quite beautiful. But that adjective does not do it justice. Is it really unfinished? I feel a sense of completness, yet at the same time longing. There is much unsaid... but perhaps that is the point. Perhaps it is suppose to be filled with a tremble for what is to come (or what shall never come).

[The Comedian]

Silas Thorne,

I like this poem and your borrowing from the style of Thomas. The last two lines in particular end strong and clear. The opening lines, I thought were a little too florid, (but I'll pick at that stuff all the time, so never mind too much my preference for rough lines)

This last line below puzzled me some: It seems that you plan on writing this poem in about in about three months. Now, I know that it came from a dream. ;)


© Silas Thorne 7/4/09

[~Sophia~]

Good morning Silas: What a wonderful poem to read with my first coffee. Just loved these lines....



Awakening in the darkness of the day
to little birdsong in the world outside,
but inside golden firstlight fell upon me
humming with peace and calm,
like winter's snowfall to the mind of crows.


the wet-hewed colours of dewgrass met morning,
reminding me of long lost hills
that passed from your tongue to my eyes, in sleep,
awakening dreams to me,
© Silas Thorne 7/4/09

If you decide to edit, add or otherwise reassemble, please keep us in the loop!

[Silas Thorne]

Silas Thorne,

I like this poem and your borrowing from the style of Thomas. The last two lines in particular end strong and clear. The opening lines, I thought were a little too florid, (but I'll pick at that stuff all the time, so never mind too much my preference for rough lines)

This last line below puzzled me some: It seems that you plan on writing this poem in about in about three months. Now, I know that it came from a dream. ;)

yes, a dream and no, not three months. 7/4/09 is the 7th of April here. I'd rather not mess with the first three lines. The third one is a direct reference to Dylan, from his poem 'Fern Hill'.
Thanks for commenting, The Comedian

[Silas Thorne]

Thank you Prince Myshkin, Sophia, and Poetic Passions too! Yes, the poem is called 'To Dylan, unfinished.' This is because though I think the poem is rather complete (though as always, comments are appreciated and I will take into consideration), it writes of something that I could not finish, a wonderful dream that drifted from my grasp, a falling leaf swirling in an autumn breeze I could not catch.

[The Comedian]

yes, a dream and no, not three months. 7/4/09 is the 7th of April here. I'd rather not mess with the first three lines. The third one is a direct reference to Dylan, from his poem 'Fern Hill'.
Thanks for commenting, The Comedian

Ha! Must be a southern hemisphere thing to put the month before the day. ;) My mistake Silas. Good poem.

[Silas Thorne]

hey, no problem, I'm familiar with the other way of writing dates too, from living in China. And thanks for the friends request.

[jon1jt]

Hey Silas

[Silas Thorne]

edit:
Morning, darkness of day, dewgrass, the crack in the curtain, winter's snowfall, sleep-before words...


Cliche, cliche, cliche, cliche, cliche, cliche...


The poem over sentimentalizes, really.

You know I always appreciate your honesty jon...just here I don't agree with you. Maybe there's plain language in the poem, but I don't think these words stifle it. And I don't think that the poem oversentimentalizes- I think rather that maybe you don't like the style of it. Maybe our poetic tastes don't always overlap. :)

[PrinceMyshkin]

And I don't think that the poem oversentimentalizes- I think rather that it is just not something you would write, and I'm perfectly happy with that here. :)

And so you should be. Some people think that their own ideal - often for 'originality' over coherence - should be applied everywhere. It's a fine poem.

[ampoule]

It's a fine poem.

A fine, fine poem.

[Silas Thorne]

I still think it's a good poem, and haven't changed my opinion on it, but Prince , I don't agree with your comment, which seems to be an offhand comment on jon's poetry, which I really like, and which inspires me, and has since I first came onto litnet.

[firefangled]

Silas, I read this many times and I don't see what you could do to make it better than the misty, morning, magical thing that it is.

I am ruminating over the brilliance of "like winter's snowfall to the mind of crows"

If you feel the need to "finish," I'm sure it will be equal to this.

[Silas Thorne]

Thank you firefangled! I really liked that line too.