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View Full Version : Please people check my short story for errors,my final draft is really near



frenziatic
04-04-2009, 06:15 AM
Ming-Tui and the Shaolin Temple




There was once a young Chinese lad named Ming-Tun, which meant intelligent in Chinese. Ming was intelligent and handsome, yet greatly inspired by martial arts. At school, he would get bullied regularly, as he was the weakest student there. Ming lived in Tongli, China, along with his parents in a small lovely house.
One morning at school, as Ming was walking down the hall to get to his locker, in a sudden instance, a big bully came running towards Ming and hit him hardly on the head. Ming was knocked down cold on the solid floor under him. After regaining consciousness, Ming vulnerably began to regain his strength. What seemed confusing was that Ming found himself at the principle's office. Muttering softly, Ming says, "What's going on Mr. Principle?" The principle then replies, "The town people are in danger, we are being attacked by a group of Yakuza fighters that consisted of a hundred members!" Astonished and outraged Ming hesitates to think for a minute, trying to recollect the thought of that name in his mind. He begins to question his principle, with overwhelming fear and insecurity, "Who are the Yakuza, Mr. Principle? Sir?" The principle replied, "They are one of the biggest criminal organization in the world, who use martial arts to fight innocent people." Ming asked, out of curiosity, how can they be defeated? The principle responded saying, "They can be defeated only by an expert martial artist or a shaolin trainee; Ming you should go now."
Ming went home to have some sleep after that incident in school. He woke up after hours of sleep with no sight of his parents home. All of a sudden, one of his neighbors came, and rang the bell. His neighbor began to hesitate before he spoke and then he said," I don't know how to say this to you Ming…but your parents and a group of other people were killed by the leader of the Yakuza group (Kazuo Taoka)." Ming was stunned, felt the anger and the agony within him and by that, now he seeks vengeance on the Yakuza group, which made him remember that the principle said: "They can be defeated only by an expert martial artist or a shaolin trainee."
Ming decides to go to a Shaolin Temple in Henan within the mount song, to train with the Shaolin masters. After reaching the Temple, the Buddhist monks refused to let him in at first; the chief abbot had mercy on Ming because of his good will of reaching the temple and to fight for his parent's death versus The Yakuza's, so for this decision they let him in. So he entered the great Shaolin Temple, where he faced a challenge. He had to pass thirty-five training chambers to get to mastership and choosing his path to be a martial disciple of the temple masters, but he isn't planning to stay. Ming trained hard day and night, but after a year of training, he surprisingly completed all thirty-five training chambers the masters gave him. With jaw-dropping strength, well-perfect balance, concentration, and insane fighting skills with or without weaponry, Ming was finally ready. He was very grateful to the Shaolin Temple masters and to the chief abbot for gaining his trust and honor.
When Ming returned back to his town, he was informed by reports stating that the Yakuza increased control over Tongli. Ming did not let go of this chance. So he went to find people who would desire to help him fight and kill the Yakuza. After a few days of searching, he found a strong group of people that were excellent in fighting.
Finally, after a few dawns and sunsets, the day to fight the Yakuza had finally come. Ming along with his group invaded the hideout of the Yakuza's. The same afternoon of attacking the Yakuza, Ming fought with the leader, Kazuo Taoka. Kazuo and Ming fought in harsh combat, but Kazuo couldn’t win since he felt weak to Ming's superior skills. Finally, Ming became victorious of his parent's salvation. Soon, the Yakuza were disbanded since Ming had won the battle with his group.
With victory in hand, he got back home feeling sleepy. Without a thought in mind but to finally rest, he took a warm bath and went straight off to bed. Ming woke up slowly opening his eyes, found himself in the school corridor lying on the ground with his books surrounding his solid fragile body. Off-balanced and lightheaded, Ming stood up stunned to find himself at school with nothing has happening except for average school routine. Ridiculed and shocked, he said in a loud voice: "Where is the destroyed village, where are the killed people?" One of his friends came by Ming's side, trying to avoid making a scene, and whispered in Ming's ear, "Ming you fainted for like 10 minutes from that sharp hit you got on your head from that big bully."