Attempting to mimic Emily Dickinson

[SupaStudy]

Hello everyone,
I'm a highschool student who has been going through the works of some American poets and trying to get a feel for the writing. I know each person's style is unique to themselves, but I've enjoyed "trying on" each poets style and learning (or at least attempting to learn) the viewpoint through which they saw the world.

Right now I've taken a stab at Dickinson's works, and I wrote a poem based on how I felt after reading her piece "A shady friend for torrid days." Id really appreciate any input as to whether this feels like Dickinson or not. I understand I may have completely missed the mark, and if so i can take criticism. Thank you :)



“A Maiden’s Musings”

What shame it is to waste away
At fiendish fulfilling fingers
When what is needed is caressed by one
With a tickling mind that lingers

With buoyancy comes baffled brains
Of in my presence would hide
When shadowed by a fruitful bust
Who belittle that which is I

A fickle god, a fortuneless witch
Or mother’s image that humbles
Alas my countenance it seems
In crowds will only mumble

[a_little_wisp]

Mmm! This is good - this does seem to have a generally steady rhythm and the alliteration is fun, and but noot quite Em's. Did you know that you can sing pretty much any of her poems to 'Row, Row, Row your boat'? (try it, it's madly fun):


Because I could not stop for Death,
He kindly stopped for me;
The carriage held but just ourselves
And Immortality.

(It actually makes it humorous, especially when you sing it as a class)


While I like the last stanza.........I'm not quite sure what to make of the first two. I suppose it's about a girl's desire to stand out amongst others (and how it doesn't quite work out)? Em's work is very simple, very quick, and flows very smoothly - one sentence with one point, repeat.


With buoyancy comes baffled brains
Of in my presence would hide

'Of in' - doubling up the prepositions there seems to stagger it a bit. And the second line "Of fiendish fulfilling fingers' - 'fulfilling' throws of the beat.

The third stanza flows the best, and is my favorite.

While this seems like it'd be a really fun hobby, I'd like to see some of your OWN style of writing! :D That'd be fun too. Thanks for sharing, Supa!

[SupaStudy]

Hah, I never noticed that rhythmic pattern with Emily, really makes a lot of her poems hilarious. I'll have to tell my AP English teacher, wonder if she knows about it:lol:

I can definitely see many of the points you make, specifically the idea that the first two stanzas are a bit too indirect. Side by side they do seem fragmented, dont they?

I really appreciate the awesome advice, and will make sure to post some of my own stuff in time ;)