Poetry lite

[Silas Thorne]

'yeah, we should do something
sometime',
she said, and I
a youth unused to speaking
or to girls, believed you,
although that sometime did not come.

---------------
To business babes and commerce chicks
and legs that go all the way up...lifts
dressing so sharp you cut into my breath
...and hold it till the next meeting

--------------

How did you get there
you troublesome demon
flecking my black wash white
like fairy dust or sprinkled ash?
Who didn't check the pockets
before they put the clothes in?

[The Comedian]

I like this one Silas.

[Silas Thorne]

Oh, it's actually three. :)

[The Comedian]

Dough! I read them as a collection of voices, but I did think that they were grouped under the same poem, given that they were sharing the title "poetry lite".

Nevertheless, I still like them. Sometimes I think poetry that tries to sound too poetic, too high minded, sounds too desperate. These, however, use metaphor and convention in plain language.

[Silas Thorne]

Yes, I know what you mean, but these don't have very much extra meaning to them, they are all pretty much on the surface.
I wrote a poem 'long words' that you might like though, Comedian, if you haven't read it already:
http://www.online-literature.com/forums/blog.php?b=7421

[PrinceMyshkin]

To business babes and commerce chicks
and legs that go all the way up...lifts
dressing so sharp you cut into my breath
...and hold it till the next meeting.

This was my favourite of the three and of course the ellipsis before "lifts" hinted that I might come up with some other slant rhyme for chicks!

[Silas Thorne]

A bit confused by your comment here, Prince..do you mean that it would be better for me to change something?

[The Comedian]

Yes, I know what you mean, but these don't have very much extra meaning to them, they are all pretty much on the surface.
I wrote a poem 'long words' that you might like though, Comedian, if you haven't read it already:
http://www.online-literature.com/forums/blog.php?b=7421

I went to the poem, but the poem there was titled "short words" -- am I missing something? :)

[Silas Thorne]

no, my mistake.:) It's about long words though.

[PrinceMyshkin]

A bit confused by your comment here, Prince..do you mean that it would be better for me to change something?

No, not at all, it's just that the ellipsis led me to think that after some hesitation you'd chosen "lifts" when what you really meant was... teats! (A better rhyme with "chicks"?)

[jon1jt]

The Million Dollar Question:

Two guys walk down the street.

Guy #1 says: Look at that chick!
Guy #2, pointing out a different gal, says: Look at that babe!


What's the difference between a babe and a chick?


Business is a general term, commerce is specific. Why not, office chicks and college babes. Or just call them both hoochies. :p

[firefangled]

I like all three, Silas. The second one I like best, because of the way it heightens such a common occurance.

[~Sophia~]

If you re-order them so the last poem is in the middle it could be 3 vignettes of one theme. The rejection. Hidden desire. The affair - discovered (damn dry cleaners). I really enjoyed this peak into your musings!

[Delta40]

You haven't lost your touch Silas

[Silas Thorne]

Delta, you're back! And thanks, although these were just a bit of fun. :)

[PoeticPassions]

ahh all three are wonderful... I like the first one best.