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View Full Version : .:.:Blue Bird:.:. opinions are higly appreciated



Angelic Devil
03-27-2009, 07:51 AM
Hiya,

I haven't written here in a long while, my apologies. I've written this poem this morning, while listening to a song and recalling what I have done in my life, and forecasting what I have yet to see. Perhaps it might be a quick poem, but for some reason it is growing on me. Please do share opinions, criticism is always a blessing. I feel very good about this poem *smiles* : D I hope you guys like it as well!!

-------------------------------------------
Blue Bird

The stars, the moon, the sun and sand
The battered heat of the sun's hand
Reaching out to burn the evergreen leaves
Of the courteous trees

a blue bird flew free
at the sight of the bright sky
simple words, I could not foresee
that your leaving was more than just a cry

you said if you could fly
you would never come back
past the moon, above the ply
across the stars, in a new track

your wings spread wide
higher and higher you veer
towards your endless dream you glide
far above, midst the white pure clouds, no fear

you aimed for a savior to a solemn heart
silent, in its own eyes
your life, impart
across landscapes of golden dyes

I reached out my hand
to eternity, I wanted to touch
your kind image in my sand
to keep you safe in my clutch

late as I was, dallying under the sun
for your feathers to fall
in my hand, none
pieces of you, I dreamt to recall

a memory of a blue bird
that hunted unreal heavens
blind in its path, interred
by its own will, awakens

freedom you sought
life you denied for a mysterious world
your pure wings fell to naught
your footsteps in the sand swirled

The stars, the moon, the sun and sand
The battered heat of the sun's hand
Reaching out to burn the evergreen leaves
Of the courteous trees
-------------------------------------------

Cheers,
M

PrinceMyshkin
03-27-2009, 09:04 AM
The opening/closing stanza is magnificent. Some of the others feel a bit strained in reaching for rhymes. Thanks

Angelic Devil
03-27-2009, 01:41 PM
thanks ;-)'